My Big Fat Low-Fat Wedding - By Katya Starkey Page 0,12

the spa. The Meli Spa.

I know where I am. I know why I’m lying on the hard, wet floor. I’m next to the swimming pool that I almost died in!

Sitting bolt upright I nearly smack foreheads with the staring teenager. “Your robot did almost kill me, Kirsten!” I freak out and words tumble from my mouth. “Stevie is a bad robot! A very, very bad robot! It pushed me in. It totally pushed me…”

Madness ensues. The blonde boy tries to calm me with words, but his face is so close to mine it only unnerves me further. Kirsten is complaining to her suit wearing boss and all the gathered spa goers look on with interest.

Only the sound of approaching sirens outside snaps me out of it.

“Did someone call an ambulance?” Turning my head I look out the window just as flashing lights whizz by on the street.

“I did.” Blonde boy whispers, but he’s so near my ear I hear him perfectly well. “Well,” he adds. “I had another member of staff call for an ambulance after I rescued you from the water.”

Pushing my head back, I stare at the wet blonde boy in surprise. “You saved me from drowning?” He nods in confirmation. “But how? Didn’t that robot completely electrify the water?”

“Doesn’t matter.” Now he shakes his head. “I had to do my duty as lifeguard when you went under.”

I’m about to thank the boy when I notice Kirsten has stopped arguing with her boss. Turning my head I notice two paramedic men approaching.

“Oops, gotta go.” Suddenly, I spring to my feet. I’m a little dizzy once I’m standing, and I slip in my wet trainers a bit. Once I blink a few times though, I’m perfectly all right. Or at least that’s what I’m telling myself internally because there’s no way I’m going back to hospital with those paramedics. Not when I was just there yesterday for a false alarm heart attack. I’ve had enough of being embarrassed by near drowning tonight, I’m not about to end up at the same hospital where the medical staff probably all think I’m a raging hypochondriac.

***

Five minutes later I’ve managed to talk my way out of going for an ambulance ride with the paramedics to the hospital. I’m making my soaking wet way through the front lobby area when the shouting of my name halts me in my sodden steps.

“Where are you going, Emily?”

Turning round I come face to face with the woman whose fault it is I even came here tonight in the first place. I don’t care how posh and wee free the pools are here at the Meli Spa, I’m never coming here again. Even if it was the robot’s fault for my near drowning, I just want to leave the premises asap.

“Oh! Why are your workout clothes soaking wet?”

“She drowned, Brenda!”

Of course Kirsten knows my husband’s mother, they both work here.

“I saved her.” To my right blonde boy has approached. He puffs up his bare chest with pride.

“I didn’t drown.” I rub my forehead in frustration. “I’m fine. I just want to get home and get changed.”

“Please, Miss!” The spa manager comes running up. “Let us sort you out with a dry dressing gown at least.”

Scraping my hand down my face, I blink. And then I blink again in surprise.

Blink, blink, blink go my eyelids as a blinking and flashing light up spa robot comes floating towards me. It’s another white number like Lara’s bridal bot, except this thing is definitely not shaped like a wedding bell. It’s a large white block and as it nears me a robot arm extends gripping towels and a comfortable looking robe.

No! I must not succumb to the allure of such luxuries. Kirsten’s robot malfunction nearly cost me my life by pushing me into the pool. Whatever’s wrong with her bot might happen to my own and as far as I’m concerned the robot at my cafe is going straight back to Oliver tomorrow. Even if I have to drag the thing to CoTechnic myself.

“Um…” I mumble and take a step back towards the exit. “I’m fine really, I just need to get home.”

Everyone practically charges toward me. Brenda starts complaining that I can’t get out of exercising so easily as drowning. Kirsten is apologising for her stupid robot. The manager looks concerned as he nears with his huge spa bot, and the lifeguard lad is still pressuring me to go to hospital.

There’s nothing else for it really. If I’m ever going