My Big Fat Fake Honeymoon - Lauren Landish Page 0,15

on call to make her alfredo at the drop of a hat, and do a dinner service? That about sum it up?”

“Yes, yes.” She’s clicking away again, and I realize she really is booking me a flight.

The ornery ass inside me rears up and I want to say no. I’m not some punk kid who can be ordered around or enticed with money. I cook for the love of it and share my food to grow that love.

But Claire loved it.

That’s true, so maybe I’m not really selling out. And it would be ridiculous to turn down a trip to Aruba over foolish stubbornness, especially when I was just thinking that it might be time to hit the road. This could be a way to test that theory out. If I miss Avanti, I can return. If not, I can put out some feelers on where to go next.

“There you are, baby,” Valentina purrs, coming into the hallway with me and Meredith. Valentina presses the length of her body to my side, her hands going around my neck. Giving zero thought to what she might be interrupting, she whispers loudly, “I’ve been looking all over for you. I thought we were going to meet when you finished service for the silly girls with their phones out.” Her smile makes it seem like that’s a private joke between two lovebirds, or at least fuck buddies. We’re neither.

I analyze for another second and then turn to Meredith. “I can go straight to the airport now if you want me to.”

Her smirk is pure maliciousness, though I don’t understand why. She’s getting her way.

I shake Valentina off, hating the way her unwanted warmth has soaked into the side of my body, the skin tingling with desire for a shower to wash her play at seduction from my memory.

Valentina pouts, crossing her arms, which only serves to boost her full tits up another inch. “Baby, you’re not leaving me, are you?”

I take in Valentina’s pout and want to escape even more. Like run away screaming with my arms flailing crazily. Now. “I’ll let Sergio know right away.”

Chapter 3

Abi

“Absolutely not,” Archie decrees from his perch on my bed.

Wait, is it a perch if he’s stretched out on his side, booted feet hanging over the edge with a mimosa in his hand and a look of disbelief on his face?

“Actually, that not only won’t work for Aruba, but you need to donate it to a blind beach bum. What were you thinking with that print and that color?” He holds a flat hand above his brow as though the shirt is the brightness of the noon sun shining in his eyes.

I look in the mirror again for a new appraisal. The hot pink button-up shirt with sunglass-wearing pineapples had seemed fun and quirky when I bought it. I figured I could wear it with white cut-offs and pink heeled sandals and be vacay-ready. But maybe not?

I yank the shirt out of the waistband of my shorts despite the fact that it took me nearly five minutes to get it there. Instead, I knot it at my waist. “Better?”

The snort from Archie says quite equivocally that the answer is still no.

Violet shoots him a glare, having my back the way a bestie should. Technically, she’s Archie’s boss when they’re doing an interior design project, but the truth is, Archie does what Archie wants, and that includes saying whatever he thinks with zero filter. It’s why we love him, and occasionally, why we hate him.

“What’s wrong with pineapples? They’re cute and fun. A hospitality thing, I think.” Violet tilts her head as if trying to remember where she heard that. “Oh! And there’s the whole quote thing about them . . . be a pineapple—stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.” Her smile is one of encouragement to keep the shirt that Archie finds so hideously offensive.

Archie smirks. “That is not where I thought you were going with that.”

Courtney steps out from my closet with a gauzy swimsuit cover-up, innocently asking Archie, “What do you mean?”

“Nothing,” I tell her. She’s grown and married, but she’s still my baby sister, and I’m not giving her sex tips and tricks. Not today, not ever.

Although she probably knows more than I do at this point. She’s definitely getting more dick than I am with her and Kaede being newlyweds.

But now, I’m going to be thinking weird sexual thoughts whenever I pull this shirt on, so off it