missing.”
I shrank back. “What do you mean missing?”
“He hasn’t been heard from in six weeks,” Hawk answered. “He was really despondent when he was last seen, some reports saying suicidal.”
The news hit me hard, anger swelling again. I fisted my hand and snarled. “Goddamn all this shit. If we hadn’t gone on that freaking mission in the first place then…” Shit. What the fuck was I doing?
“Then what?” Hawk demanded as he moved closer. “Then Snake would be alive. Is that what you’re trying to tell me? Is that it?”
“Whoa,” Scorpion hissed, moving between us. “We’re friends.”
“Maybe not. I know you blame me, Mustang. I know you do. Just fucking say it for once. Have some damn balls for once in your freaking life.”
“Stop it!” Scorpion snarled. “This is bullshit.”
“Fine. I did blame you. Okay? I even hated you,” I barked, instantly loathing that it had come to this. “Then I realized my anger was directed at the wrong man. You were doing exactly as you’d been trained to do. I’m the one to blame. I was the one who froze that day we went in to rescue him. Me. If I hadn’t then we would have saved Snake before the explosion.” The harshness of my tone was freaking uncalled for, the echo something I would never forget.
The tension between us was something I’d tried to avoid, but Danni had been right. I couldn’t avoid my past or my feelings any longer.
“I’m the one to blame,” I repeated.
Hawk sucked in his breath before patting me on the shoulder. “There isn’t a one of us who hasn’t second guessed our decisions. I’ve been sick about it, second guessing everything, every single decision. But I finally had to make peace with what happened. The assholes to blame are those responsible for taking him prisoner.”
“He’s right, Mustang. I’ve stayed awake nights blaming myself for not stopping Snake. I had a chance to do it. I have no idea what I was thinking.”
“He would have refused. You know how Snake was,” I managed.
“Yeah, that’s for certain,” Scorpion half whispered.
“We have to let go of this guilt. That’s not what Snake would have wanted,” Hawk said quietly before lifting his glass.
I gave him the nod of respect this time. As I lifted my glass, I could see a glimpse of Snake’s face in my mind. At least the man was smiling. That was the way I wanted to remember him. “To Snake.”
“To Snake,” Hawk said with authority.
“To one crazy motherfucker,” Scorpion added, allowing us all to laugh.
“Okay. The last I heard, this was supposed to be a party,” Bryce said as she walked in.
“The lady is right. Hey, why don’t you take Danni to see the new barn,” Hawk suggested.
“Why?”
“Remember that steer she saved?” he asked, giving me a sly smile. “I purchased him. I thought she might like to know that he’s healed just fine. I had him put in stall number five for the time being just in case.”
“You know, I think she’d like that.” I took another gulp of my drink before easing it onto the bar. As I walked toward the door, I stopped in front of Hawk, giving him a salute.
I could see the look in his eyes, the level of emotion that had run through all of us over the last few months.
As he lifted his arm, holding his head high as he saluted, I was allowed once again to feel honor.
Honor for my country.
Honor for my unit.
Honor for the men I called my friends.
“We will find Vader,” I said after lowering my arm.
“You’re damn straight we will,” Scorpion stated.
“And we’ll bring him home.”
Hawk’s last words had dual meaning. I only prayed to God that our friend would return in one piece.
“What are we doing in the barn?” Danni demanded as she took backward steps away from me.
“I thought you’d want to see the steer you saved.”
Her eyes lit up, a smile crossing her face. “I’d really like that.”
“Don’t worry, he’s doing very well.”
“He better be.”
Chuckling, I rubbed my jaw as I inched closer, eyeing the few saddle racks. They would make for a nice spanking spot. “Well, I wanted to surprise you and not only with the steer.”
“Another surprise, huh?” She noticed my gaze and grimaced. “And what would that be?”
“Give me your hand.”
When she hesitated, I gave her a stern look.
“Why don’t I trust you?” she moaned as she took my hand into hers.
“Hmm…” I yanked her closer, immediately fisting her hair. “I guess that’s the question