The Music of What Happens - Bill Konigsberg Page 0,50

epic dinners at Uncle Guillermo’s. It was more like time ceased to exist, and the jokes kept coming, the laughter, and I kept thinking, I have to remember that one, and then I’d be three jokes later and thinking, What was that thing we were laughing about like an hour ago?

I have to think that’s special. When time stops, or you forget about the next thing, and when Jordan suggested introducing me to his girlfriends, I said, “Yeah. Sure.”

Kayla’s place is in one of those county island subdivisions down south of Elliot where lots of people have horses. Mom told me once that the huge properties down there are that way because of a law made years ago that prohibited the properties from being subdivided smaller than one acre or something like that. As we pull up, I can see that she has one of those backyards that could hold a football field, and I immediately imagine playing touch football back there with a whole bunch of people. That would be sweet.

But anyway. Kayla’s folks must have big bucks.

As it turns out, I recognize Kayla and Pam for sure. Kayla is white and blond and kinda cheerleader-y, wearing tight orange shorts and a white tank top as she invites us in with a “What up bitch?” Pam is slightly darker than me, with huge boobs and a smile that would stop traffic. Betts and Zay-Rod would definitely approve, and I wonder what it would be like to do a group hang, all six of us.

Really weird, I figure out very quickly.

“So what are your intentions with our husband,” Kayla says, and Jordan socks her in the shoulder, hard. She retaliates, harder, right into his chest, and he just about falls to the ground. He rubs his chest as if she might have actually broken a rib, which clearly she hasn’t.

I laugh. “Intentions?”

“Yeah,” Pam says. “He’s gay. You’re gay. We all know you guys can’t keep it in your pants. I mean, Jordan can, I guess, because he’s still a virgin. He almost kissed this one boy —”

This time Jordan smacks Pam, and when she steps to him, I intercede, because I am actually a little concerned about what a wallop from Pam could do to Stick Boy, if Kayla’s love tap nearly knocked him over. Pam has her some biceps.

“What’s with the violence, dude?” I ask.

“We are a violent people,” Kayla says. “In case your intentions are bad. Just know that.”

“The more you know,” I say.

Pam glances over at Kayla, and the two share a look. She looks back at me, smiles, and comes over and hugs me. “I like Max. I approve.”

They start saying stuff about ’80s bands that I don’t understand because I don’t know who the Thompson Twins are, or Missing Persons, and when I say as much, Kayla gives me this incredulous look.

“Dale Bozzio? Like the original Lady Gaga?”

I shrug. Not ringing a bell.

“What do you listen to?”

I shrug again. “Whatever’s on. Machine Gun Kelly. Train. Imagine Dragons.”

Jordan puts his head in his hands and shakes it vociferously. “No, no, no,” he says. “No self-respecting gay guy listens to that shit. That’s like dude bro shit.”

Pam says, “No self-respecting Mexican has ever listened to Imagine Dragons. Ever.”

“Um, okay,” I say, unimpressed with their logic or their classifications. I listen to what I like. Whatever the hell I want.

“What has killed more people? Trains or Train?” Jordan says, and Pam and Kayla laugh, and then Jordan puts his hand on my shoulder and says, “We’re just funnin’.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Yeah. I’ve met you. I get it. The kids and their sarcasm and all that.”

Jordan gets mock stern and points at me. “You kids and your sarcasm. When I was your age, we were sarcastic sometimes, and other times we were serious.”

I laugh. “When I was a child, we walked three blocks to school,” I say.

“We used that one already,” Jordan says, and he turns to Kayla and Pam and says, “We’re working on a character. Stan the Somewhat Uninteresting Codger.”

“Curmudgeon,” I correct.

I glance over, curious to see Pam and Kayla’s reaction. It’s a mutual eye roll. Which makes me feel a little more at home. Betts and Zay-Rod? They wouldn’t even know how to react to that shit.

“So what are we gonna do?” Pam says. “So bored. Summer sucks so hard.”

Kayla’s eyes light up and she shouts, “Dream throwing!”

This apparently means something to them, because Jordan shrieks, “Yes!” He runs upstairs like he actually lives there,