For all I know, my cousin Eddie isn’t actually Uncle Russell’s kid. He was born not that long after I caught my aunt with George. Maybe my aunt’s been lying to everyone for even longer than me.
Or maybe she really is the Old Testament God in earthly form, and she’ll rain down her punishments on anyone who doesn’t do her bidding.
Which do you think is more likely, Harvey?
The check register’s still in my purse. Maybe I’ll keep it there for good. I bring my purse everywhere, so I won’t have to worry about anyone finding it.
Maybe I’ll start carrying this diary in there, too. That way I’ll know my secrets are always safe.
From now on, whenever I’m listening to someone talk about how my aunt is God’s gift to humanity, I can reach in my purse, feel that fucking check register with my fingers, and remember I have solid evidence that she’s anything but.
It doesn’t matter what she thinks of me. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. I’ve wasted so much time being scared of her, Harvey. She’s the one who should be afraid of me.
Peace, Tammy
Wednesday, July 6, 1977
Dear Tammy,
I hope you had a good Fourth of July. Do you have a summer job? I’ve been babysitting for a few families in the neighborhood. There’s one on our block that has eight kids, and I spent the Fourth with them. They have a five-year-old named Jack who’s terrified of blue fireworks, but not any other color, so every time a blue one came, I covered his eyes with my hands. We were both laughing by the end.
I really liked reading about your big family in your last letter. Mine is so small, I forget sometimes that it’s not that way for everyone. It must be nice having all those sisters and aunts and uncles around.
Here’s my answer to the next question on the list:
What are your favorite hobbies?
I play softball in my church league. Or I did, up until last year, when our coach moved to Michigan and our team disbanded.
Also, I don’t know if this counts as a hobby, but have you ever listened to punk music? Last weekend I went to a punk show for the first time and I loved it. Have you ever felt as if you didn’t belong? I do, a lot of the time—well, most of the time—but that night the music was so intense, it was as if I didn’t have to worry about any of it anymore.
I haven’t told my friends. They mostly listen to Peter Frampton and Ted Nugent. But I wondered if maybe things were different in southern California.
Yours truly, Sharon Hawkins
P.S. Sorry, I know I just asked you questions that aren’t on the official list for the pen pal project. It’s okay if you don’t have time to answer. Going to that show the other night reminded me of how lonely I get sometimes. You know what, never mind, this probably sounds stupid.
Wednesday, July 13, 1977
Dear Sharon,
Are you kidding me?
You like punk? I don’t know anyone who listens to punk!
When you said you didn’t know Patti Smith, I assumed that meant you weren’t a fan, but this changes everything.
What bands did you see? Tell me every detail! I’ve never been to a show—punk bands don’t come to Orange County—but I want to see one so bad.
I only have a few albums so far, the ones the guy at the record store said were good, but after Patti, my favorites are the Ramones and the Dictators. Have you heard the Dictators’ version of “I Got You Babe”? It’s so funny. I like Cher—her show’s my favorite one on TV—but some of her music is kind of cheesy.
If you ever got to see Patti live, I think I might literally die. Her Horses album changed my life. Or maybe it’s in the process of changing it right now. I’m still a work in progress. Just knowing Patti exists makes me feel a little