Music From Another World - Robin Talley Page 0,105

out. It’s a good thing he had a scholarship for college, though, because his dad refused to pay tuition anymore. Without that, he’d never have risked telling them.”

“I thought you didn’t want Mom to ever find out.”

“I didn’t. I don’t, but…” He lowered his arm and met my eyes. “I hate all this lying.”

I sunk onto the mattress by his feet. “Me, too.”

“I was thinking about moving in with Dean.” He picked at a stray thread on his quilt. Our grandmother made it before we were born. Dad’s mother. “I could get a job down there. To help with rent.”

“In Palo Alto?” I don’t know which part of what he was saying stunned me the most. He was thinking about telling Mom? About moving away? “What about going to State in the fall?”

“There’s not much point. Mom can barely afford it, anyway, and it’s four years to get a degree—that’s another four years of lies, and if she finds out, I’ll have to leave no matter what.”

“Oh, God.” I can’t lose my brother. I can’t. I’ve already lost Dad.

And if Mom found out that was me in the photo…what if I lost her, too?

Can Peter take that kind of risk? Could I?

“Anyway…” He smiled darkly, stirring the scraps of paper on the floor around with his foot. “You really think you’re one of us?”

I winced. “I don’t even know how to find out. At school the closest the teachers got to saying anything about sex was when they told us to ask our mothers how to use maxi pads.”

Peter winced, too. “Once Father Murphy told us if we ever felt like jerking off, we should pray to Jesus to make it go away.”

“Oh, my gosh, are you serious?”

He laughed harder than before. “Thanks for saying, ‘Oh, my gosh.’ That’s the most you’ve sounded like my actual sister in weeks. When you said ‘fuck’ before, I almost lost it.”

I laughed so hard I started hiccuping. We were risking being too loud, though, so I hiccuped into a pillow, waving my arm so Peter would know to be quiet, too.

“Anyway, if you have the option…” His voice turned serious again. “If you can be straight, I mean. I’d think about it, if I were you.”

My laughter faded. “What?”

“Well, you said you were scared…and maybe that’s good.” He shrugged. “If I’d been more scared, that picture wouldn’t have wound up in there.”

“I thought you—?”

He frowned, and I could tell he was about to interrupt me when there was a knock on the door.

We both froze.

Was it Mom? Did she hear us? What did she hear?

“Peter?” Tammy’s voice was barely above a whisper. “Are you awake?”

The record was still playing. She knew he was here.

I could see Peter doing the same mental calculation as he stood up and brushed off his jeans. I tried to signal him to wait so I could hide or something—not that there was anywhere to hide in this tight space—but he was already at the door.

“Hey,” he whispered, holding the door open just enough to peer out, blocking her view of me. He’s a good brother. “What’s up?”

“I can’t sleep. Could I borrow that book you were telling me about?”

“Yeah, one sec.” He stepped back, trying to close the door while he reached for the stack of books behind him, but Tammy stepped forward at the same moment. She saw me over his shoulder.

“Oh.” She stepped back quickly, but it was too late. “Sorry, Sharon. I thought you were in your room.”

“I couldn’t sleep, either.”

All three of us fell silent. I looked straight at Tammy, and she looked back at me. Peter glanced from me to her and back again.

“You know what?” He took a breath, then nodded, as if he’d made a quick decision. “I’m going to the bathroom.”

“Wait…” I began, but he was already gone.

“I’m sorry.” Tammy reached both hands behind her neck, as though