carefully gelled head.
I wonder when he’ll be off leave. I could find out if I answered Dove’s calls—but I don’t.
Dove and his fucking writer wife.
I spend Wednesday burning all the Polaroids I have of Gwenna in the bedroom fireplace. I keep one in which she’s sparring on the foothill behind her house. Most of the days I’ve been here, that’s the way I spent my time: watching her practice her Taekwondo.
She looks pissed off in the shot. She’s got her arms out and her hands balled into fists. Her hair is swept up in a ponytail, but much of it has come loose and hangs in her face. In the image, her left ankle looks uncomfortable and stiff. I remember in the moment after I took the picture, she said “shit-fuck” a bunch of times and kicked a stump.
I watch the other pictures burn, and tell myself she won’t always have so many shit-fuck moments. I have plans to ease her pain.
In the light of morning—I still watch her lights come on: the bedroom first, study, then den—I can sometimes tell myself I didn’t really hurt her. I don’t even know her. Or maybe I do know her, but it never was reciprocal. So how much could it really hurt—our two trysts that one night?
I focus on the fact that she felt comfortable with me. Didn’t she say that? I was her first since what happened. First to what, a small voice mocks. I look down and find myself hard. Always hard now. Never satisfied.
In the wee hours, I’m honest about Gwenna to the point of pain. I know that she will hate me. In that first moment, especially, she’ll feel betrayed and maybe even used. She’ll never understand. Of course not. I will always be the end of all things good. The grim reaper. I will always be a thief, and she my victim.
I put a coaster over the photo I saved. Looking at it makes me feel like sucking on the barrel of my .38.
Thursday sometime after midnight, I slip into sleep and wake up screaming with an aching boner. My battered mind is full of Gwen and Breck and diapered children bleeding on the dry Iraqi dirt, their mothers wailing as our convoy rolls by. When I wipe my eyes and look outside from where I’m sitting in the armchair, I find it’s snowing.
Snow here is a rarity. I can’t help but see it as a sign.
Gwenna’s bedroom light comes on at 4 a.m. I watch her windows through my scope, unmoving until 6, when she lights up her study, then the den.
I take a shower. As I trim my beard, my mind drifts off the road and tumbles down to what will happen after. After. After.
Dove calls a short time later. He, too, wants to know.
With a towel tucked around my waist, I check my phone and find Blue cutting down toward Kentucky. So he’s coming my way. Why would I think any different? Dove told him what was up and Blue will spend his leave time checking up on me, going back to wherever the fuck they are now—North Korea?—with his pretty reassurances. With the illusion of control.
I tell myself there’s nothing to do for now besides watch Gwen. When, at lunch time, I give in and jack off to the memory of her hands, I feel almost ill after.
When, in the late afternoon, she treks up the sleet-wet foothill toward the clearing, I feel stricken. The past two nights, she sparred beside her porch a little before 6—waiting for me.
I take my Polaroid and my scope and hurry after her. I tell myself I need to see her face clearly. That’s all. I find my old spot on the high ground easily. It’s even easier to see her than it was when I arrived in Tennessee; many of the trees are bare now.
I think she looks okay at first. Her forms are strong and forceful, and her face is clenched and angry.
Good.
I can breathe while I watch her. I can almost smell her. Then she folds her body from a kick into a crouch. She brings her hands up to her face and sits down on the slushy ground. She holds her head and sobs.
I watch the whole time.
GWENNA
Thursday night, I go to dinner with Jamie and Niccolo, who’s flown to Knoxville for two days to meet with a new movie financier.
Jamie doesn’t know what happened between Barrett and I, but she knows something
<<Previous page Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 1 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 2 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 3 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 4 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 5 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 6 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 7 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 8 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 9 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 10 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 11 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 12 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 13 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 14 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 15 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 16 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 17 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 18 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 19 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 20 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 21 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 22 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 23 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 24 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 25 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 26 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 27 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 28 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 29 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 30 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 31 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 32 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 33 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 34 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 35 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 36 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 37 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 38 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 39 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 40 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 41 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 42 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 43 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 44 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 45 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 46 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 47 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 48 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 49 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 50 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 51 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 52 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 53 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 54 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 55 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 56 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 57 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 58 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 59 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 60 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 61 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 62 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 63 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 64 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 65 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 66 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 67 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 68 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 69 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 70 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 71 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 72 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 73 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 74 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 75 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 76 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 77 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 78 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 79 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 80 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 81 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 82 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 83 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 84 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 85 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 86 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 87 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 88 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 89 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 90 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 91 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 92 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 93 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 94 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 95 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 96 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 97 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 98 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 99 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 100 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 101 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 102 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 103 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 104 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 105 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 106 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 107 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 108 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 109 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 110 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 111 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 112 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 113 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 114 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 115 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 116 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 117 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 118 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 119 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 120 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 121 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 122 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 123 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 124 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 125 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 126 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 127 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 128 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 129 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 130 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 131 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 132 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 133 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 134 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 135 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 136 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 137 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 138 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 139 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 140 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 141 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 142 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 143 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 144 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 145 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 146 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 147 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 148 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 149 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 150 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 151 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 152 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 153 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 154 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 155 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 156 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 157 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 158 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 159 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 160 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 161 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 162 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 163 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 164 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 165 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 166 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 167 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 168 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 169 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 170 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 171 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 172 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 173 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 174 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 175 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 176 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 177 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 178 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 179 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 180 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 181 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 182 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 183 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 184 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 185 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 186 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 187 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 188 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 189 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 190 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 191 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 192 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 193 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 194 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 195 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 196 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 197 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 198 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 199 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 200 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 201 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 202 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 203 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 204 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 205 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 206 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 207 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 208 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 209 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 210 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 211 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 212 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 213 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 214 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 215 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 216 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 217 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 218 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 219 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 220 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 221 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 222 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 223 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 224 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 225 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 226 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 227 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 228 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 229 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 230
Next page>>