be anything. I chuckle, mirthless, and rub my sore temples. I step into the bathroom and I look into my bloodshot eyes. I rub them. I start the shower, strip out of my sweat-soaked clothes.
As I do, something vibrates. My phone…still in the pocket of my pants. I reach down for it, hold it to my eye, and wait for it to unlock and present the source of the buzzing.
A text—from Dove, of course.
‘So? How’s it going?’
I wipe the steam off the phone’s screen and blink down at the message. Set the phone down on the sink counter.
How’s it going? For some reason, the more I think on it, the more I want to laugh. How’s it going?
Oh, it’s going fucking great.
I think of all the possible replies, and I do laugh.
I’m still laughing as I step under the hot shower, avoiding the stinging spot in my hair, soaping up my body, prodding at sore muscles. As I bathe, my mind wanders: a predictable circuit of pain, weakness, and craving. I tell myself there’s nothing wrong with offering to show her some new hand-to-hand.
As if that’s all it is.
As if she’s just anyone.
As if I’m the guy next door.
Guilt twists in my chest, but I ignore it.
What’s the point of guilt on top of guilt? There is no scenario in which I’m what I seem to be. I tell myself it doesn’t matter. So what if I go show her some new moves? It doesn’t change a fucking thing.
GWENNA
I get home from speech therapy and the grocery store at 4 p.m., and get a text from Barrett at 4:30.
‘6—your yard?’
I save his number and reply, unable to keep a silly grin off my face. ‘Sounds good.’
After spooning a dollop of chocolate mousse out of a plastic cup full from the grocery store bakery, I walk into my room and do something ridiculous: I get a long, luxurious shower before donning black leggings, my favorite hot pink sneakers, and a gray long-sleeved shirt. I pull my hair up into a bun so he can’t use my long tresses against me. Then I spend a few minutes standing in front of my bathroom mirror.
This is low-key, I tell myself. I lean forward and look into my own brown eyes. Just sparring. No big deal. I try to bunch my lips together, watch the left side of my mouth fail. I put on red lipstick anyway. I put on mascara.
Maybe I have a crush on him. It’s not as if it’s going to kill me. I can keep my expectations low. Or not.
I blink down at the handwritten notecard taped to the bottom corner of my bathroom mirror. It’s a quote attributed to Edgar Allan Poe that reads: “There is no exquisite beauty…without some strangeness in proportions.”
Jamie dug the quote up for me on Tumblr, I think, sometime in 2013, right about the time my obsession with “The Raven” flared.
I debate the merits of wearing mascara. If he noticed, he might know I put it on for him. But he probably wouldn’t. And if he did? Do I really care? Can I not handle my neighbor knowing I find him attractive? Did I not just call him hot right to his face, playing Old Gwenna for that moment?
I brush on some mascara. Then I sink down onto my fluffy bedroom rug, pull out my fishbowl full of colored marbles, and start stretching.
Don’t ask me why, the marbles make this whole thing interesting enough that I can actually do it: stretch. Not just pre-workout, but for fun and relaxation. I read somewhere if you hold something in your left hand—especially if you squeeze—your mind will be less anxious. So when I’m stretching here in my room, I always hold a marble in my fist.
As I stretch, my mind wanders. I can see him standing on his porch in loose jeans and that sexy as fuck undershirt. I can almost feel the firm warmth of his arms. His slightly hair-fuzzed arms. The dimpled smile. The sharp-browed, keen but sleepy eyes.
Classic obsession. I don’t even know the guy. You know he touched your cheek when you were being awkward. Plus, he put his arm around you for no reason.
I stretch my back and drop my marble back into the bowl. It makes a satisfying thunk.
I smooth a palm over the top of my head, tuck the wispy stands of my stray hairs behind my ears. I go to my jewelry box, atop my dresser, and pull
<<Previous page Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 1 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 2 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 3 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 4 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 5 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 6 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 7 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 8 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 9 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 10 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 11 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 12 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 13 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 14 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 15 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 16 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 17 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 18 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 19 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 20 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 21 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 22 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 23 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 24 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 25 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 26 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 27 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 28 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 29 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 30 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 31 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 32 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 33 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 34 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 35 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 36 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 37 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 38 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 39 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 40 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 41 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 42 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 43 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 44 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 45 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 46 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 47 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 48 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 49 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 50 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 51 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 52 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 53 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 54 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 55 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 56 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 57 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 58 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 59 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 60 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 61 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 62 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 63 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 64 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 65 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 66 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 67 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 68 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 69 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 70 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 71 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 72 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 73 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 74 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 75 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 76 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 77 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 78 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 79 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 80 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 81 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 82 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 83 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 84 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 85 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 86 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 87 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 88 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 89 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 90 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 91 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 92 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 93 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 94 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 95 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 96 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 97 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 98 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 99 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 100 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 101 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 102 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 103 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 104 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 105 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 106 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 107 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 108 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 109 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 110 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 111 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 112 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 113 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 114 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 115 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 116 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 117 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 118 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 119 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 120 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 121 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 122 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 123 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 124 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 125 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 126 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 127 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 128 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 129 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 130 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 131 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 132 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 133 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 134 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 135 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 136 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 137 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 138 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 139 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 140 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 141 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 142 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 143 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 144 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 145 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 146 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 147 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 148 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 149 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 150 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 151 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 152 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 153 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 154 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 155 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 156 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 157 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 158 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 159 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 160 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 161 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 162 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 163 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 164 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 165 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 166 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 167 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 168 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 169 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 170 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 171 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 172 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 173 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 174 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 175 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 176 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 177 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 178 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 179 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 180 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 181 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 182 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 183 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 184 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 185 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 186 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 187 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 188 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 189 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 190 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 191 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 192 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 193 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 194 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 195 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 196 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 197 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 198 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 199 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 200 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 201 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 202 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 203 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 204 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 205 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 206 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 207 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 208 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 209 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 210 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 211 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 212 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 213 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 214 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 215 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 216 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 217 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 218 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 219 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 220 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 221 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 222 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 223 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 224 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 225 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 226 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 227 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 228 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 229 Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James - Page 230
Next page>>