Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James Page 0,197

to see what I will do. John told me some of this shit. Their secret agent mind-fuck shit. Not so much different than what Dad does, really. John was different. He was better than this manipulative shit. This guy is nothing like my brother. John died for him, and Barrett isn’t worthy.

That helps.

It helps with my conscience.

“Bear,” I say. I let my knowledge resonate in my voice. “I thought you were familiar…”

I’ve got to give it to him: He removes that stupid Zoro mask and looks me in the eye, and I can see he’s sorry. I can see he’s eaten up with guilt.

“You’re my brother’s friend. The one…” I start.

I struggle to keep my face neutral as his eyes glimmer. He nods, solemn. He seems penitent. I tell myself that’s good. He should be.

“You were close to John,” I say. “He told me you were his best friend.”

I watch his teeth come down on the inside of his cheek, his throat working to keep his emotions silenced.

“He was mine,” he says hoarsely.

I step closer to him. “It’s a shame what happened. No one’s fault,” I lie. I raise my eyebrows. “If nothing else, we can know that he died doing what he loved.”

Barrett nods. His jaw is tight, though. He won’t look me in the eye.

“So, how long you been with Gwen?”

His eyes lift to mine. “Why?”

I can see aggression push the sadness off his face.

I hold my hands up. “Just asking.”

He surprises me by stepping closer to me. “No, you’re not.”

I laugh, as if he’s crazy, still holding my hands up.

“You think I didn’t notice how you followed us around all night?”

“Is that a crime?”

His jaw clenches. He shakes his head. I watch his nostrils flare as he exhales. “I’m sorry.” He shuts his eyes, rubbing his temples. Opens his eyes and holds my gaze. He looks exhausted. “What can I do for you, Nic?”

“I was watching you,” I murmur.

His eyes sharpen. “Why?”

“John told me something. About you. And Gwen. He was always asking about her.” I lower my voice. “He told me, Barrett. John told me.”

I feel a bubble of satisfaction as the blood drains from his face.

“What do you mean?” he rasps.

“I think you know what I mean. Don’t worry, Bear. I won’t tell.”

I can see it on his face: the distrust. He doesn’t believe me. And that’s exactly what I want.

GWENNA

December 31, 2015

Our rental car is a Ford Explorer: midnight blue, according to the small bottle of touch-up paint inside the glove box. Fitting, I think, as I watch pearly moonlight pool atop the hood. Snowflakes swirl in front of us, flying up over the windshield as Bear drives toward the general store.

The drive’s not far—somewhere between a mile and half a mile, I know by now—but Barrett’s going slow. We’re supposed to get some crazy snow tonight, and he probably figures, rightly, that I’m already on edge.

Every few minutes, I feel his eyes on me. When our eyes meet, his mouth curves gently. I love you. I see it in his eyes, despite the darkness that’s been in them since we got to Colorado.

At least I know the “why” on that now. After we came back downstairs, Jamie and I tracked Bear and Nic to a bedroom in Nic’s parents’ place. When they saw us, Nic went right into the hall with Jam, while Barrett stayed inside. I stepped in, and before I noticed all the military stuff, I noticed Bear: so still and tense and…shell-shocked.

He told me John—Nic’s brother John, the dead brother—was his friend, Breck. He stretched out on John’s bed, put his hands over his face, and just kept shaking his head.

“I fucked up, Gwen. I fucked up…I’m fucked up. I don’t know what to do.”

“I love you. You’re not fucked up.”

I tried to soothe him with my hands and words. He put his face against my neck, and I just held him for the longest time. Even now, with him beside me, dry-eyed and seemingly okay, my heart still feels a little bruised.

“Remember what I said,” I tell him as we near the store.

His eyes slide to me, then back to the road.

“We can’t be who we used to be. You’re someone new. I’m someone new. The more I think about it, the more I wonder if it matters that I know what happened to me here. I’m here with you. I met you, and if you think about it, that’s amazing. That it even happens. Two people who are