Murder_ A Sinful Secrets Romance - Ella James Page 0,178

sob catch in her throat and want to bleed, it hurts so fucking much. “I just … sometimes I dream I’m lying there. And it’s so cold. I’m by myself. I think about how I was by myself in the hospital and Elvie left. It just makes me feel alone, I think.” Her voice is soft and broken, but she doesn’t outright cry, which makes me love her more.

I hug her tightly, kissing up her throat and all along her jaw. “I love you, Gwenna White. I’ll always pick you up and carry you away.”

I mean it so damn much.

I do it now. I lift her in my arms and spread a blanket in front of the fireplace, and I show her, in the warmth, how much I love her.

I’m going to find a way to fix this. When I do, we’ll have our happily ever after. I’ll do anything I have to. I lie awake beside her that whole night, seeing snow.

SIXTEEN

BARRETT

December 31, 2012

11:07 p.m.

All the whiskey in this place won’t be enough. I can drink myself into a blackout, and it still won’t numb the raw throb in my chest. I know for sure now that the bar has got that heavy, amber glow and everything feels slow and surreal. Like an old home movie.

There’s this girl on the movie. Snowflake girl. I watch her dancing with her friend, Red Lipstick. Snowflake never looks at me while she’s in motion, but between songs, as she drags a palm over her silky copper hair or presses her lips together, her eyes drift to me. Once they touch down on me, they feel warm and patient. As if she’s drinking in the corner table scene. She’s just observing. I wish she’d come closer. To the table.

I polish off the rest of my scotch and feel my body shift. I blink, then turn my head. Oh. Cause Blue is elbowing me.

“Think we could put a sandwich on that redhead?”

I blink a few times, trying to focus on his words. “Sandwich?” I rub my numb face.

“More like bagel,” Blue murmurs. “I could take her from the back and you could fuck her cunt. She would be the cream.”

I chuckle. “Fuck.” I moan, shaking my pounding head. “That’s bad. Even for you.”

“You’ve heard of that shit, Bear, c’mon. You’re not a choir boy.”

I watch the girl. She’s shaking her ass like she’s in some kind of contest. She’s good enough to get me hard despite all that I’ve had to drink. I have to reach down to adjust myself under the table.

“She’s too good for you,” I tell him, slurring slightly.

Blue laughs. “You’re fucked up, Bear.”

“Not enough,” I murmur, staring at my empty glass.

“I’ve got some molly. Pot, too. I would recommend the molly, though, and not a lot, just—”

I shake my head as he speaks, trying to mold my mushy thoughts into coherent words. “Tried that shit,” I say. I shake my head again. “Tomorrow.”

“Oh, the comedown. Ehh. That can be managed, bro. You’ll be feeling good I tell ya.”

I shake my head. Don’t want good. I don’t deserve to feel good.

“She’s a good one. Gwenna, that’s her name.” He makes a low sound of approval. “Actress. Staying next door to Breck’s fam. The other one, the friend, is getting hit up by ole Nic.”

I nod, not really hearing. I drink water and wait for our server to bring more scotch. I could quit for the night, but I kind of want to fuck myself up. I need to sober up a little, then have a few more. Get just shitty enough to pass the fuck out in a bed at Breck’s. I’ll take a cab home. Get someone else to drive my rental.

I watch the girl some more, then look down at the table. I don’t know how obvious I’m being. I don’t want to leer at her, and I’m already fucking wasted, so I might be.

I feel a hand on my neck, see Breck lean around from behind my chair. “Hey, bro. Want to step out for a smoke?”

I get up. Follow Breck out some door, till we’re outside underneath the roof’s edge with our backs against the brick wall. Fuck, it’s cold and snowy. Everything looks glittery and crystalized.

Breck hands me a smoke. I pull a lighter out of my pocket. Breck hands me one. I frown until I realize I’ve been flicking mine, and it’s not lighting.

“Thanks,” I mumble. My hands feel heavy and numb, but they remember