will resent if anyone prevents me from going on vacation.”
I needed an escape from customer service. I needed the money to fix my face. Another bad call at work would break me if I didn’t get out of town for a while. The first kill bounty I got my grubby paws on would be performed mercifully but with excessive force.
My virus needed an outlet before I went mad. After I had the scars removed, I’d worry about my other problems, which involved men. My virus wanted to open hunting season. If my virus had its way, the first poor bastard to turn my head would be stuck with me permanently.
If my brothers and father had their way, I would die a virgin.
If I ever got around to finding a mate, the battle between him and my family would be worth televising as a pay-per-view event. The poor man would need therapy upon learning how many brothers I had, who were all determined to keep me as safe as possible.
I didn’t make things easy on them.
Jace made a thoughtful sound in his throat. “We’re concerned.”
“About what? The hot tub rising up to get me? I’m going to a spa, not a cage match. I swear, can’t I go to a spa and pamper myself just once without the entire damned clan getting on my case? Okay, so fine. Driving there doesn’t please you worrywarts. Deal with it. And so help me, if one of you twerps talked to Uncle Henry, I’m going to come over there and kick every last one of you in the ass and steal your lunch money.”
“Otis is the one who talked to Uncle Henry,” my brother confessed.
Damn it. I couldn’t beat one of the kittens. Not only were the quintuplets wretchedly adorable, they did a good job of distracting everyone in the family from my general activities, as they redefined trouble whenever there wasn’t an adult keeping them somewhat tame and behaving. “Who conned him into doing it? He’s four. And yes, I’m coming for your lunch money, so you feline assholes better have cash in your wallets when I show up, you hear me? You’ll have between one to two hours before I show up, and I will be mugging you all for your lunch money.”
“Mom did it.”
“Traitor!” my mother screeched in the background.
I sighed. There were worse fates. My mother could have started making calls to one of the other lynx clans trying to sell me off to the highest bidder. Every year, at least one clan came calling, resulting in a cat fight that made the news and amused the neighbors. The neighbors, uninfected humans with heightened levels of curiosity, loved everything about my psychotic family.
They loved cats, one and all. The old man who lived in the little brick house with the white picket fence down the lane had us figured out; catnip and milk would bring everyone except me out, and lynxes high on nip didn’t mind when bold humans petted them.
My family consisted entirely of shameless, attention-whoring assholes.
I braced for the worst, which involved me cancelling my trip due to my uncle’s offended sensibilities. “And what did Uncle Henry have to say?”
“The spa you picked in Cincinnati is shit, we’re terrible brothers, and that we should have sent you to Hawaii to be pampered like the princess you are. He’s not wrong, but now the entire family is having a mass conniption because we didn’t send you to Hawaii.”
Right. Only a fool would think virus-driven cats would be capable of handling the situation with grace or dignity. “First, I don’t want to go to Hawaii. I want to go to Cincinnati. I picked that spa because they’re friendly towards lycanthropes, they have a world-class chef, and it’s all inclusive. I can get my fur groomed however many times I want, and they only have mated pairs on staff or married humans. I will be able to enjoy my vacation without being bothered.”
“I did try to tell Uncle Henry that, as you’d fought with Dad over your choice of spa and city. He doesn’t believe us.”
“Is Uncle Henry there?”
“As a matter of fact, yes. He is.”
“Tell Uncle Henry if he interrupts my vacation to Cincinnati, I will rip out all of his fur, send it to an unmated female wolf, and write her a note telling her that he’s a hot, single man seeking a brave, fearless woman.”
“Has anyone told you that you can be pretty evil when someone tries to