Most Likely (Most Likely #1) - Sarah Watson Page 0,83

“I was worried about you. It was such a big weekend, and then Jordan said you were out sick today. When you didn’t return my texts…”

“I’m not sick. I mean, technically, yes. But I don’t have a cold or anything. I have depression.”

“Oh,” he said. “I didn’t know that.”

“Not a lot of people do. I used to be embarrassed about it, but I’m not anymore. It’s just this thing I have.” It felt good to say it out loud.

If Logan was freaked out, he didn’t show it. “I’m glad you told me.”

“Logan,” she said, “do you still want to know why I hate you?”

He answered without hesitation. “Yes.”

Her mom came out from the kitchen holding a spatula like a prop, which it basically was. “Do you kids want dinner?”

Ava wanted to kill her mom. Then she remembered how amazing she’d been today and felt bad about it. “We’re fine, Mom. Can we have a minute, please?”

Her mom disappeared back into the kitchen. Ava sat down on the couch next to Logan.

“Do you remember freshman year when the school was going to drop me out of advanced classes?”

Logan shifted in an uncomfortable way. “Um…”

“I know that you know. I know because I heard you talking about it.”

Logan looked down. “Shit.” She could tell he was remembering. “That day at cross-country practice.”

She nodded. “I was under the bleachers.”

“Why?”

“Because I was having a really bad day and I couldn’t be in class anymore. I took the bathroom pass and that’s where I ended up.”

She remembered hearing his voice. She remembered the sound of the coach’s whistle. It terrified her because it made her realize that school was over. She’d been sitting under the bleachers for more than five hours. That was the moment she knew something was really wrong with her. She tried to speak. She tried to ask for help. She was going to ask Logan Diffenderfer. He was her best friend’s boyfriend. He was safe. He would pull her up and she would be okay. Only it wasn’t okay. Logan was laughing. At her.

“You called me an idiot,” Ava said.

Logan shook his head. “Shit. Ava. It had nothing to do with you.”

Ava still remembered it clearly. Staring at the ground and realizing that she couldn’t physically stand at the same time that Logan was talking about her. She remembered the exact words. I can’t even understand how she can be that much of an idiot and the school just doesn’t care. He was talking to Malik and Grayson from the team. They were laughing at her too. She’s so obviously dumb, Logan had said. The only reason they’re letting her stay is because of her mom.

Ava remembered lifting her head slightly when she heard that part. If Ava had had the emotional energy back then, she also probably would have questioned why the school didn’t go through with their threat to kick her out of the advanced track. But she didn’t. So she didn’t know. Not until she heard it from Logan Diffenderfer. She basically lawyered up. Sent her mom in there to yell at the principal. I heard her mom was like, “If you drop my daughter, I will make your lives a litigious nightmare, blah blah blah.” Logan had done a not-terrible imitation of her mother. That’s the only reason they didn’t kick her out. They should, though. She’s so dumb. Some days I look at her and I’m just like, “Are you even literate?”

“You are not an idiot,” Logan said from the couch next to her. “You were never an idiot. I was.”

“I know.” She said it with a slight smile. “But it took me almost four years to figure that out. I didn’t know about my mom yelling at the principal. It made me feel so stupid and so weak at a time when I was already feeling stupid and weak.”

“You are neither of those things.” Logan sighed. “Everything I said, it had nothing to do with you.”

“Then why’d you say it?”

Logan stood and walked to the fireplace. He put his hand to his temple like he couldn’t believe this. “Because I was humiliated. They were kicking me out of advanced classes, and Malik was teasing me, and I was embarrassed.”

Ava didn’t know any of this.

“It was my fault, though. I’d been lazy about studying. But Mrs. Geller liked me, and she didn’t think I should be punished so severely, so she told my parents what your mom had done.”

Mrs. Geller taught advanced freshman English. Ava always