Mom Over Miami - By Annie Jones Page 0,24
little more.”
Lauren swiped her finger along the edge where some frosting stuck to the foil. “Um, Hannah, if this frosting sets anymore, it will be ready for wallpapering, not sprinkling with candy soccer balls.”
“Oh, no.” She couldn’t have. Could she? She took a quick sniff of the flawless covering. “Oh, no!”
“What is it?”
“I had the frosting and some spackling compound for repairing the walls in the same kind of container.”
“You frosted the kids’ cake with spackling compound?”
“Not at first.” She didn’t know what made her feel worse—that she’d pulled another dumb stunt in front of Lauren or that her frosting hadn’t been as smooth or as moist as a home-improvement product.
“You’re having a rotten day, aren’t you?” Lauren laughed, but not too much. Then put her arm around Hannah and added, “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of the snack.”
“Let me guess. It will be something homemade?”
“Probably. If you don’t think the kids will mind.”
She opened her mouth to say something, though she had no idea how she could both convey her frustration over the ease with which Lauren handled everything and still sound grateful. Before she could compose a single comment, a commotion started in the living room.
A commotion. The spot-on perfect term for a seventy-something fireball with chopsticks protruding from her red topknot, wearing a pink dress and work boots.
“Surprise!”
“Aunt Phiz!” Hannah leaned back against the counter for support. “You said you were sending something.”
“Yes!” She wrapped Hannah in her arms and gave her a kiss on the cheek. “I make it a policy to always send the best, so I sent…myself! Ta-da!”
Sam laughed.
“This must be Sam!” She swooped down to envelop the boy in her expansive arms. Then, looking up at Stilton, said, “And this must be…?”
“A friend.” Hannah patted the boy on the back. “You really did pick a dilly of a time to pop in all the way from China, Aunt Phiz.”
“Oh, my! Did I throw a monkey wrench into the works?”
Sam’s eyes went all starry and bright. “Did you bring a monkey?”
“No, she did not bring a monkey.” Hannah raised her gaze from the boy to her aunt. “Please, please, tell me you didn’t bring a monkey.”
Phyllis Amaryllis Shelnutt Shaffer Wentz burst into an uproarious gale of laughter.
Lauren joined in, politely covering her mouth with her manicured hand, but laughing all the same.
The boys began to leap about shouting, “Monkey! Monkey!”
Before Hannah could calm them, a bald man with sweat dripping down his thick neck crossed the threshold, his hands behind him gripping something huge. “Okay, lady,” he asked. “Where do you want the Ping-Pong table?”
Aunt Phiz pulled herself together enough to pinch Hannah by the arm and shake her head. “You poor little thing. I guess I showed up at a very bad time.”
“Actually?” Hannah looked around her at the laughter and the letdowns and couldn’t help but think about her wish for something more exciting to write about. “You may have come at a moment of divine inspiration.”
“How’s that?” Lauren cocked her head.
“Let me rephrase that.” Hannah folded her arms and made a mental note of every last detail of the bedlam surrounding her. “Can I use your real names in my column?”
7
Subject: Nacho Mama’s House column
Big news!
We have a new addition to our family! No, not another child but rather someone with the faith of a child, the joy of a child…and the overblown, highly honed buttinsky instincts of a full-grown Shelnutt in her prime.
My aunt Phiz has come to help me out.
Before you get the idea I am typing about her behind her back, let me assure you that my aunt is completely aware that showing up for a two-week visit and inviting yourself to move in is the kind of thing that will get a person talked about. Aunt Phiz loves to be talked about. Almost as much as she loves meddling in the lives of her brother, his three daughters and their assorted spouses and children. So she won’t mind one bit when I tell you that she came all the way from China to Loveland, Ohio, for the express purpose of making my life simpler.
Then why do I have this nagging feeling that my life is about to get a lot more complicated?
NOTE TO SELF: FINISH COLUMN BEFORE SENDING.
“As to any special dietary needs?” Phiz paused to clear her throat.
Presented with the first gap in the morning’s meandering monologue, Hannah dove in. “Not to worry, Aunt Phiz. Cincinnati has a little bit of everything. Whatever you need,