Mistletoe and Mayhem - Cheryl Bolen Page 0,368

me. I was in her company a great deal because Prinny gave me a task I was honor bound to fulfill. I cannot reveal what that task was, but it was to do with Princess Charlotte and Lady Jane is her lady-in-waiting.”

She watched his eyes and saw no flicker of deceit. “So, you were not enamored of her, desiring a match.”

“Good lord, no. If I had not been following Prinny’s orders I would have courted you this season.”

“Since you are speaking of honesty, why did you wish to court me?” His mouth opened, but nothing came out. She continued. “Do you want to know what I think?” She didn’t wait for his answer. “I think you find me attractive, interesting even, and we are friends. We have known each other most of our lives and Trello is your best friend.”

He nodded. “All true.”

“I think I’m the easy choice.”

He looked like he was about to choke. “Easy? I hardly think I’m so lazy I’d take the easiest option to find a wife.” He moved to sit beside her before she could react. Taking her hand, he whispered, “You forgot one important component of why I want you as my wife. I desire you,” and he lifted her ungloved hand and pressed a kiss to her palm, making shivers cascade over her skin. “And you are not immune to me either.”

She could not deny his words, but she still pulled her hand free. “And do you believe desire is the correct basis for a marriage?”

This time he ran his finger gently over her cheek. “It’s the perfect place to start.”

“But where would a marriage based on desire end up? From what I have seen, men burn with desire and then over time, like a starved fire, the flame dies out.”

He tucked a stray strand of her hair behind her ear and she wished he’d stop touching her; it confused and excited her, and there was too much at stake here.

“You’d have our children and the house, or houses, to maintain, and I’d have my responsibilities. We would get along famously.”

So, he agreed with her that the desire would fade. “Would that mean you’d take mistresses to find new desires?”

“No. I just believe that if we stoke the fire regularly, the flames, though they might not burn as ferocious, will fan the embers and glow bright. A warm, comfortable life.”

She sucked in a breath. That all sounded fine except…, what if he found a woman he could love? And how would it feel to marry a man you loved with all your heart, but that love was never returned? Both of them would be trapped in this ‘comfortable’ life. She drew in a deep breath before saying, “That is not enough for me. I want love. I want to marry a man who loves me, and I him.”

She felt his absence by her side immediately as he stood and paced. “You said you wanted honesty,” she explained.

He nodded. “Well love, like desire, fades and usually takes any semblance of friendship with it.”

He sounded as if he spoke from experience. “I guess that means you don’t love me.”

He swung round to look at her. “And you don’t love me… Oh, God. You do.” He looked horrified as he sunk into the nearby chair.

“Why do you think I’ve turned down so many offers?”

“I need a drink. I never assumed…” He stood and walked straight to the sideboard and poured himself a large brandy and drank it in one gulp. He hung his head and heavy silence blanketed the room.

This time she sighed as she stood to take her leave. “I know father is expecting an announcement at the ball, but I won’t be allowing it. When you can profess your love for me, then I will agree to marry you. Your love would make a splendid Christmas present.”

“What if I can never declare that love you want?”

Interesting. He didn’t say what if ‘I could never love you’. He merely said declare it.

“Then I hope for your sake that one day you are brave enough to find that special woman and realize love is not something to fear. I hope you open your shuttered heart to her. I don’t know who hurt you, but they were obviously not worthy of your love. Next time don’t give your heart to someone who will trample it into the dust.”

With that, she moved and placed a chaste kiss on his cheek before walking out of the room. A tear