was still there, including the ones containing the sample packets of Novril. He took three dry, then crawled back to the door and lay down against it, blocking it with the weight of his body.
Paul slept.
46
When he woke up it was dark, and at first he didn’t know where he was—how had his bedroom gotten so small? Then he remembered everything, and with his remembering a queer certainty came: she was not dead, even now not dead. She was standing right outside this door, she had the axe, and when he crawled out she would amputate his head. It would go rolling off down the hallway like a bowling ball while she laughed.
That is crazy, he told himself, and then he heard—or thought he did—a little rustling sound, the sound of a woman’s starched skirt, perhaps, brushing lightly against the wall.
You just made it up. Your imagination . . . it’s so vivid.
I didn’t. I heard it.
He hadn’t. He knew that. His hand reached for the doorknob, then fell uncertainly back. Yes, he knew he had heard nothing . . . but what if he had?
She could have gone out the window.
Paul, she’s DEAD!
The return, implacable in its illogic: The goddess never dies.
He realized he was frantically biting his lips and made himself stop it. Was this what going crazy was like? Yes. He was close to that, and who had a better right? But if he gave in to it, if the cops finally returned tomorrow or the day after to find Annie dead in the guest-room and a blubbering ball of protoplasm in the downstairs bathroom, a blubbering ball of protoplasm who had once been a writer named Paul Sheldon, wouldn’t that be Annie’s victory?
You bet. And now, Paulie, you’re going to be a good little Do-Bee and follow the scenario. Right?
Okay.
His hand reached for the knob again ... and faltered again. He couldn’t follow the original scenario. In it he had seen himself lighting the paper and her picking it up, and that had happened. Only he was to have bashed her brains in with the fucking typewriter instead of hitting her in the back with it. Then he had meant to work his way out into the parlor and light the house on fire. The scenario had called for him to effect his escape through one of the parlor windows. He would take a hell of a thump, but he had already seen how fastidious Annie was about locking her doors. Better thumped than crisped, as he believed John the Baptist had once said.
In a book, all would have gone according to plan . . . but life was so fucking untidy—what could you say for an existence where some of the most crucial conversations of your life took place when you needed to take a shit, or something? An existence where there weren’t even any chapters?
“Very untidy,” Paul croaked. “Good thing there’s guys like me, just to keep things rinsed.” He cackled.
The champagne bottle hadn’t been in the scenario, but that was minor compared with the woman’s hideous vitality and his current painful uncertainty.
And until he knew whether or not she was dead, he couldn’t burn the house down, making a beacon that would bring help on the run. Not because Annie might still be alive; he could roast her alive with no qualms at all.
It wasn’t Annie that was holding him back; it was the manuscript. The real manuscript. What he had burned had been nothing more than an illusion with a title page on top—blank pages interspersed with written rejects and culls. The actual manuscript of Misery’s Return had been safely deposited under the bed, and there it still was.
Unless she’s still alive. If she’s still alive, maybe she’s in there reading it.
So what are you going to do?
Wait right in here, part of him advised. Right in here, where it’s nice and safe.
But another, braver, part of him urged him to go through with the scenario—as much of it as he could, anyway. Get to the parlor, break the window, get out of this awful house. Work his way to the edge of the road and flag down a car. Under previous circumstances this might have meant waiting for days, but not anymore. Annie’s house had become a drawing card.
Summoning all of his courage, he reached for the doorknob and turned it. The door swung slowly open on darkness, and yes, there was Annie, there was the goddess, standing there in the