Mirage - Alice Tribue Page 0,45
that I employ, and when I’ve hung up the phone, I’ve promised her that I will not fly off the handle and that I will wait at least twenty-four hours before making a decision on how to handle this situation. None of that changes how I feel right now though; none of that gives me the absolution that will likely never come.
CHAPTER TWELVE
It’s barely four in the morning by the time I crawl back into my bed. Nathan wakes up as soon as my body hits the mattress, and he crowds me, gets in my space, and places a quick kiss on my forehead.
“Everything okay?”
I struggle with what to tell him. How much of this night can I reveal without making him wonder, without calling more attention to the situation? It was only a few hours ago that I thought he might take exception to me walking out on him in the middle of the night to deal with the shit he’d never understand. Even still, I decide that a version of the truth is best, being as close to honest with him as I can.
“She’s as well as she can be; she was mugged and beat up pretty badly. She has a lot of bruises and a concussion.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes, and what’s worse is that she was expecting a baby and now…” I shake my head not able to say the words and the tears start to flow. Nathan pulls me into his lap; there’s no time for me to feel embarrassed for breaking down, he’s just there. There’s nothing else for me to say; he seems to understand my pain, even if he doesn’t understand the reasons. It means a lot to me for him to be comforting me like this right now. I’ve only ever gotten that from my dad.
“Shh, it’s okay. It’s going to be okay.”
He runs his hand through my hair in soft soothing strokes. I melt into him, soaking him in. Accepting his kindness is hard for me to do not because I don’t want it, but because I don’t deserve it. Every bad thing that has happened to Katie is my fault; I created this mess—my drive, my business, my need to prove a point to myself. In my twisted mind, I was thinking that I was doing something to help these girls, to give them more than they would have had otherwise. Little did I know that I was just as bad as any pimp. I’ve had two girls assaulted in the span of a few months and countless assholes for clients who honestly believe that the size of their bank accounts earns them a free pass to behave savagely—brutally.
“What can I do?”
“You’re doing it.” I cling to him like a lifeline because I’m so close to going under, to drowning under the weight of all that is my life. I hate what I am, what I’ve instigated, and if I could light a match and watch it all burn down, I would. Nathan settles us into the bed, laying us down so that we’re face to face with his arms still wrapped firmly around me.
“It wasn’t supposed to be like this. If I’d have known…” The words get lost in a sob, and the sobs continue until I finally let sleep take me away.
***
The sun is shining when I wake up, this time alone with the smell of bacon making my stomach growl. I stretch out, loving the feel of all of the pent-up tension leaving my body. When I’m done, I make it to the bathroom and take a quick shower. Running a brush through my wet hair, I throw on a robe. I push all thoughts of Katie out of my head, allowing myself these few moments of peace while I have breakfast with Nathan, and then I’ll figure out what to do next. I’ll figure out what to do about a lot of things, I’ll make the tough decisions that need to be made, and I’ll do it with a clear mind.
“It smells amazing,” I say walking straight to the single serve coffee machine.
Nathan pulls me in for a quick kiss before going back to stirring his pancake batter.
“You had a rough night; I thought you could use a little more sleep and a decent breakfast.”
“You’re right on both accounts.” My smile barely reaches my cheeks, but I own it anyway. When I turn around, I pop my favorite flavored coffee into the machine and hit brew. Nathan