Million Dollar Christmas Bride - Holly Rayner Page 0,29
supposed to meet with him tomorrow to sign a contract.”
She drew in a deep breath and let her mother’s concerns wash over her. Deep down, the issue of her age had been bothering her, too. Like an infected tooth, it caused a soreness that she couldn’t quite ignore, no matter how hard she tried.
I want children, she thought. Is this deal with Jackson going to take away my chance to raise a family, with a man I love—and a man who loves me? I’ll be so busy pretending to be in a relationship that I won’t have the chance to actually have one?
She stood up and walked along the perimeter of the small room to the one window. It looked out on a not-so-stunning view of the gray cement parking structure nearby.
She had to put words to another ache, deep in her soul, but she wasn’t sure how to do it.
Finally, she realized that no matter how she phrased her inquiry, it was still going to lead to a difficult conversation. She decided to just dive in, with the hopes that maybe, just maybe, if she told her mom what was on her mind, the ache inside might go away.
“Mom, you weren’t in love with Dad when you married him, were you?” she asked. She had her back to her mom. After posing the question, she turned slowly. “I mean, I was born six months after your wedding day—I saw the license in your bedroom closet one day. You guys… you got married because of me, didn’t you?”
“That was our mistake,” Helen said solemnly. “And no, there was no love lost when we parted ways.”
“Then how can you advise me to marry for love? You married Dad for practical reasons. And even after he split, you didn’t marry again. Why not?”
“I had you,” Helen said, “and you were the only companion I needed. My life was filled to the brim—I didn’t need a man. Sure, there were times I wished I had a partner, but more often than not I was happiest on my own.”
“Maybe that’s how I am, too,” Bianca said. “Better off on my own. Maybe that’s why none of my relationships have worked out. I’m thirty-four, Mom… Even if I said no to Jackson, chances are good that I still wouldn’t meet a guy that I was ready to tie the knot with. I haven’t yet, so why should I think it will happen in the next five years? There’s something wrong with me. It’s like I’m broken.”
“Sweetie, you’re not broken,” Helen said in a hushed tone. “You have a beautiful soul. Maybe you just have some work to do when it comes to relationships. They’re not easy, you know. And I suppose I have to take some responsibility. I wasn’t the best role model for you, and for that I’m sorry.”
Bianca felt herself coming close to tears, and she didn’t like it. She lifted her chin slightly and looked back out through the window, at the cement structure beyond. “You don’t have to apologize,” she said. “You were an excellent role model. You taught me how to be strong and independent… and the person I am today.”
She lifted a finger to her eye and pressed her lower lid in slightly to stop tears from welling up. She had no idea where this burst of emotion was coming from, and it made her slightly uncomfortable. “I just… I don’t know if I’m going to find love. And a million dollars is too good of an offer to pass up. I’m going to say yes, Mom. This might be the best chance at happiness I’m going to have. I have to take it.”
“Okay, honey,” Helen said. “If that’s how you feel, then I’m not going to stop you. And for what it’s worth, I do appreciate the way you look out for me. You’re an amazing daughter, Bianca. I’m so very proud of you.”
“Thanks, Mom,” Bianca said. She turned and walked to the bed. As she wrapped her arms around her mom’s neck, she felt the dampness of salty tears. At first, she thought they were her own. It took her a moment to realize that her mother was crying, too.
Bianca wasn’t sure if they were happy tears of relief, due to the fact that her days in the nursing home were soon to be over—or if they were tears of grief over the future that Bianca was about to sign away.
She pulled away and handed her mother