Milk Fed - Melissa Broder Page 0,59

beard hanging over the edge of the flower, as though he were Rapunzel. “Nice to see you noshing. It’s a mitzvah, you know.”

“They’re delicious.”

“That’s what I’m told. I abstain. Not kosher. I can only do the calla lilies.”

“Oh.”

“Which is interesting, because, if you’ll notice, the lilies of the field are shaped like the Star of David. But god has a sense of humor.”

“Totally,” I said, now biting into the stem of my lily. “Okay if I eat this in front of you?”

“Please, go ahead,” he said, waving his hand. “I don’t want to interrupt your nosh. I just came to let you know that it’s nice to see you trusting your kishkas.”

“My kishkas?”

“Your guts! Your intuition.”

“Is that what I’m doing?” I asked.

“You are!” he said. “You did it. I mean, you didn’t do it do it… with Miriam, which would also be a mitzvah, by the way, but you were right about one thing. She likes you.”

I heard a loud buzzing sound. It was like the end-of-period buzzer in a basketball game, except it was coming from above.

“God really enjoys basketball,” said the rabbi, laughing.

But he looked scared. Then the buzzer sounded again. The rabbi’s eyes widened. I had a terrible feeling that this was it. This was the end of the game. I had poisoned myself after all. The buzzer was letting me know I would soon be dead.

I opened my eyes and blinked. I saw the clock. It said 1:15. There was still 1 minute and 15 seconds left of the game. Then I realized I was in my apartment. What I was hearing was not the buzz of death. It was the buzzer on my intercom. I was scared. I ignored the buzzer and inched down farther under my blanket. Then it rang again—this time a little longer.

I threw the blankets off, got up, slipping and sliding around the floor in my wool socks, and made my way to the intercom.

“Hello?” I said, annoyed.

“It’s Miriam. Hi.”

Had I summoned her?

“One second!” I said.

I fixed my socks and raced down the hallway. Then I had a better idea. I made a U-turn and went back into my apartment. Kishkas. I pressed the intercom again.

“Want to just come upstairs?” I asked.

CHAPTER 51

When Miriam came to the door of my apartment, she was crying. There was a teardrop welling in her left eye and one on her right cheek. They reminded me of the water droplets from the lilies.

“What’s wrong?” I asked. “You okay?”

I saw her struggle with words, unsure of what to say. I hated seeing her weeping, and I felt the urge to wipe her tears and comfort her.

“I don’t know,” she said finally, wiping her dripping eyelids. “I’m a faucet.”

“Do you want to come inside and have something to drink?”

“I’m fine,” she said.

“Do you want me to just stand in the doorway with you for a while?”

“All right,” she said, laughing.

She moved her hands up the doorframe. I reached out and touched her left hand with my right hand. Then I brought her hand down and held it with both of my hands.

This could be enough, I thought. Just hold the fucking lily.

But I found myself leading her inside, closing the door quietly and gently behind her. I didn’t want to frighten her with any loud sounds or sudden movements that might imply I was expecting anything. I went to the sofa and sat down. She followed and sat beside me.

“So,” I said.

Then I took her hand in mine again and gently tickled the inside of her palm, just as she had allowed me to do at the movies. This time, we weren’t in the dark, so I could watch her reaction to everything I was doing. Her face grew flushed, and I noticed a sheen of perspiration on her forehead and dotted on her upper lip. I went even slower, gentler.

“You can smoke in here if you want,” I said.

“I’m out of cigarettes,” she said.

“I’ve got some nicotine gum we can burn.”

She laughed with a noise that sounded like a sob. Then she put her other hand on my other hand.

“Well,” she said. “Maybe we can kiss.”

I moved closer to her, our lips almost touching. I could feel her warmth, and I stayed there for what felt like a very long time. Her breath smelled sweet. I kissed her. She made an “oh” sound into my mouth as she took a breath, then slowly introduced her tongue. I sucked it like a piece of liver she was