Esme wouldn't worry. Otherwise, my existence seemed more like that of a specter than a vampire. I hovered, invisible in the shadows, where I could follow the object of my love and obsession - where I could see her and hear her in the minds of the lucky humans who could walk through the sunlight beside her, sometimes accidentally brushing the back of her hand with their own. She never reacted to such contact; their hands were just as warm as hers.
The enforced absence from school had never been a trial like this before. But the sun seemed to make her happy, so I could not resent it too much. Anything that pleased her was in my good graces.
Monday morning, I eavesdropped on a conversation that had the potential to destroy my confidence and make the time spent away from her a torture. As it ended up, though, it rather made my day.
I had to feel some little respect for Mike Newton; he had not simply given up and slunk away to nurse his wounds. He had more bravery than I'd given him credit for. He was going to try again.
Bella got to school quite early and, seeming intent on enjoying the sun while it lasted, sat at one of the seldom used picnic benches while she waited for the first bell to ring. Her hair caught the sun in unexpected ways, giving off a reddish shine that I had not anticipated.
Mike found her there, doodling again, and was thrilled at his good luck.
It was agonizing to only be able to watch, powerless, bound to the forest's shadows by the bright sunlight.
She greeted him with enough enthusiasm to make him ecstatic, and me the opposite.
See, she likes me. She wouldn't smile like that if she didn't. I bet she wanted to go to the dance with me. Wonder what's so important in Seattle...
He perceived the change in her hair. "I never noticed before - your hair has red in it."
I accidentally uprooted the young spruce tree my hand was resting on when he pinched a strand of her hair between his fingers.
"Only in the sun," she said. To my deep satisfaction, she cringed away from him slightly when he tucked the strand behind her ear.
It took Mike a minute to build up his courage, wasting some time on small talk.
She reminded him of the essay we all had due on Wednesday. From the faintly smug expression on her face, hers was already done. He'd forgotten altogether, and that severely diminished his free time.
Dang - stupid essay.
Finally he got to the point - my teeth were clenched so hard they could have pulverized granite - and even then, he couldn't make himself ask the question outright. "I was going to ask if you wanted to go out."
"Oh," she said.
There was a brief silence.
Oh? What does that mean? Is she going to yes? Wait - I guess I didn't really ask.
He swallowed hard.
"Well, we could go to dinner or something...and I could work on it later." Stupid - that wasn't a question either.
"Mike..."
The agony and fury of my jealousy was every whit as powerful as it had been last week. I broke another tree trying to hold myself here. I wanted so badly to race across the campus, too fast for human eyes, and snatch her up - to steal her away from the boy that I hated so much in this moment I could have kill him and enjoyed it.
Would she say yes to him?
"I don't think that would be the best idea."
I breathed again. My rigid body relaxed.
Seattle was just an excuse, after all. Shouldn't have asked. What was I thinking? Bet it's that freak, Cullen...
"Why?" he asked sullenly.
"I think..." she hesitated. "And if you ever repeat what I'm saying right now I will cheerfully beat you to death - "
I laughed out loud at the sound of a death threat coming through her lips. A jay shrieked, startled, and launched itself away from me.
"But I think that would hurt Jessica's feelings."
"Jessica?" What? But... Oh. Okay. I guess... So... Huh.
His thoughts were no longer coherent.
"Really, Mike, are you blind?"
I echoed her sentiment. She shouldn't expect everyone to be as perceptive as she was, but really this instance was beyond obvious. With as much trouble as Mike had had working himself up to ask Bella out, did he imagine it wasn't just as difficult for Jessica? It must be selfishness that made him blind to others. And Bella was so unselfish,