Think about it, she added silently. Think about leaving.
I saw what she meant. Yes, the idea of never seeing the girl again was...painful.
But it was also necessary. I couldn't sanction either future I'd apparently condemned her to.
I'm not entirely sure of Jasper, Edward, Alice went on. If you leave, if he thinks she's a danger to us...
"I don't hear that," I contradicted her, still only halfway aware of our audience. Jasper was wavering. He would not do something that would hurt Alice.
Not right this moment. Will you risk her life, leave her undefended? "Why are you doing this to me?" I groaned. My head fell into my hands. I was not Bella's protector. I could not be that. Wasn't Alice's divided future enough proof of that?
I love her, too. Or I will. It's not the same, but I want her around for that. "Love her, too?" I whispered, incredulous.
She sighed. You are so blind, Edward. Can't you see where you're headed?
Can't you see where you already are? It's more inevitable than the sun rising in the east. See what I see...
I shook my head, horrified. "No." I tried to shut out the visions she revealed to me. "I don't have to follow that course. I'll leave. I will change the future." "You can try," she said, her voice skeptical.
"Oh, come on!" Emmett bellowed.
"Pay attention," Rose hissed at him. "Alice sees him falling for a human! How classically Edward!" She made a gagging sound.
I scarcely heard her.
"What?" Emmett said, startled. Then his booming laugh echoed through the room. "Is that what's been going on?" He laughed again. "Tough break, Edward."
I felt his hand on my shoulder, and I shook it off absently. I couldn't pay attention to him.
"Fall for a human?" Esme repeated in a stunned voice. "For the girl he saved today? Fall in love with her?"
"What do you see, Alice? Exactly," Jasper demanded.
She turned toward him; I continued to stare numbly at the side of her face.
"It all depends on whether he is strong enough or not. Either he'll kill her himself" - she turned to meet my gaze again, glaring - "which would really irritate me, Edward, not to mention what it would do to you - " she faced Jasper again, "or she'll be one of us someday."
Someone gasped; I didn't look to see who.
"That's not going to happen!" I was shouting again. "Either one!"
Alice didn't seem to hear me. "It all depends," she repeated. "He may be just strong enough not to kill her - but it will be close. It will take an amazing amount of control," she mused. "More even than Carlisle has. He may be just strong enough...
The only thing he's not strong enough to do is stay away from her. That's a lost cause." I couldn't find my voice. No one else seemed to be able to either. The room was still.
I stared at Alice, and everyone else stared at me. I could see my own horrified expression from five different viewpoints.
After a long moment, Carlisle sighed.
"Well, this...complicates things."
"I'll say," Emmett agreed. His voice was still close to laughter. Trust Emmett to find the joke in the destruction of my life.
"I suppose the plans remain the same, though," Carlisle said thoughtfully. "We'll stay, and watch. Obviously, no one will...hurt the girl."
I stiffened.
"No," Jasper said quietly. "I can agree to that. If Alice sees only two ways - "
"No!" My voice was not a shout or a growl or a cry of despair, but some combination of the three. "No!"
I had to leave, to be away from the noise of their thoughts - Rosalie's selfrighteous disgust, Emmett's humor, Carlisle's never ending patience...
Worse: Alice's confidence. Jasper's confidence in that confidence.
Worst of all: Esme's...joy.
I stalked out of the room. Esme touched my arm as I passed, but I didn't acknowledge the gesture.
I was running before I was out of the house. I cleared the river in one bound, and raced into the forest. The rain was back again, falling so heavily that I was drenched in a few moments. I liked the thick sheet of water - it made a wall between me and the rest of the world. It closed me in, let me be alone.
I ran due east, over and through the mountains without breaking my straight course, until I could see the lights of Seattle on the other side of the sound. I stopped before I touched the borders of human civilization.
Shut in by the rain, all alone, I finally made myself