was wondering...," Bella began talking, but I hushed her immediately with my touch.
I started stroking her collarbone with my finger tip, but I was still curious, "Yes?" I breathed in her ear. She trembled again.
"Why is that, do you think?" her voice was trembling with pleasure.
I laughed lightly, breathing in her ear, realizing that it would cause her to tremble again. Her pulse picked up, "Mind over matter," I breathed.
She pulled away from me then. Instantly I was nervous I had done something perverse. I wanted to pull her back to me. I froze; worried I did something incredibly wrong. I clenched my jaw in worry. She stared fixedly at me, her eyes cautious. I slowly and deliberately unclenched my teeth. What was the matter?
"Did I do something wrong?"
"No - the opposite. You're driving me crazy," she exclaimed.
I was euphoric in that moment. She was enjoying this as much as I was.
"Really?" I asked, exultant.
A smile gradually spread across my previously worried face.
"Would you like a round of applause?" she asked, her voice acerbic.
My grin became wider, "I'm just pleasantly surprised," I explained, "In the last hundred years or so, I never imagined anything like this. I didn't believe I would ever find someone I wanted to be with...in another way than my brothers and sisters. And then to find, even though it's all new to me, that I'm good at it...at being with you..."
Belle interrupted, "You're good at everything."
The only thing I cared about being good at was being with her. I shrugged and we both silently laughed.
"But how can it be so easy now?" she asked, pure curiosity in her eyes, "This afternoon..."
"It's not easy," I sighed, "But this afternoon, I was still... undecided. I am sorry about that; it was unforgiveable for me to behave so." Before the self chastisement could commence she was quickly disagreeing, "Not unforgiveable."
She was ever so self sacrificing, "Thank you," I smiled, "You see," I continued, taking my eyes from her so she couldn't read the chagrin, "I wasn't sure if I was strong enough..."
I reached out and pulled her hand to my face, letting it warm my cheek, "And while there was still that possibility that I might be...overcome" I sucked in the air at her wrist, letting it envelope me, "I was...susceptible. Until I made up my mind that I was strong enough, that there was no possibility at all that I would...that I ever could..." I couldn't say the words that would condemn me.
"So there's no possibility now?" she asked, hope in her voice.
"Mind over matter," I repeated, and smiled at her, even though it wasn't completely true.
"Wow, that was easy," she said, amused.
Unbelievable, I threw my head back and chuckled in whispers at the ceiling.
"Easy for you!" I told her as I lightly touched the tip of her nose with my finger.
The touch sent electricity through me, like it always does when we touch. She needed to understand though, that it wasn't easy for me at all, I had been fighting with so many desires when I was around her I was unsure if I could constantly keep them all caged.
"I'm trying," I whispered to her and to my thoughts, "If it gets to be...too much, I'm fairly sure I'll be able to leave."
Who was I kidding? Would I ever be able to leave this wonderful soul now that I found her? I would never find someone like her again. She frowned at me then.
"And it will be harder tomorrow," I continued, "I've had the scent of you in my head all day, and I've grown amazingly desensitized. If I'm away from you for any length of time, I'll have to start over again. Not quite from scratch, though. I think" I explained to her.
I wanted her to realize that I am still a blood drinking killer, and that her blood was still the sweetest of them all.
"Don't go away, then," she pleaded.
More than happy, I replied, "That suits me," and I smiled at her loving face, "Bring on the shackles - I'm your prisoner."
I encompassed my hands around her wrists. I laughed quietly.
"You seem more...optimistic than usual," she ascertained, "I haven't seen you like this before."
"Isn't it supposed to be like this?" I grinned widely, "The glory of first love, and all that. It's incredible, isn't it, the difference between reading about something, seeing it in the pictures, and experiencing it?"
If this was not love, I would like to know what it was. I had never felt