would realize I was below her, insignificant compared to her greatness.
She still ate with me at lunch, or she ate, I questioned. Sometimes, I got so excited with the information being spilled from her that I began spitting out the questions so fast that she was almost breathless trying to respond to them all. It was hard to control myself.
It was like someone switched on the computer and I was accessing her hard drive, absorbing the knowledge of her mind that she kept locked up nice and secure.
Then, something miraculous happened. Or, by my standards it was miraculous. Because who could possibly like a vampire? During our questioning I asked her what her favorite gemstone was and she blurted out topaz immediately and then her skin turned an appetizing color of red. Automatically, I breathed in a gluttonous amount of air and sighed. Why was she blushing? I begged her to enlighten me as to why she was embarrassed by her answer.
"Tell me," I begged.
"It's the color of your eyes today," she sighed and I watched her look down while the blush on her cheeks became a brilliant red again.
She loved me, too. Like I said - a miracle. Another thing to add to my list: she was passionate. Joy rushed me; almost flipping me over my seat at the feelings of deep affection that warmed me, almost making me feel human. Almost.
I suddenly thanked whatever force brought her to me.
And then, surprising me even more, she elaborated on her answer.
"I suppose if you ask me in two weeks I'd say onyx." Her face turned even a darker shade of pink. I ignored the thirst, easily wiping it away like a bug on my windshield.
Was she finally opening up? I could feel the spring in my step, the instant craving to bound over the table and bring her into my arms...to kiss her warm lips.
She gave me a face like she was bracing for something.
Was she waiting for the fury that radiated off of me when I realized how engrossed she was with a vampire and the fact that she just didn't care? I'd forever hate myself for my poor reactions in Port Angeles...for making her cry.
When the lunch break was over we walked to Biology class. I wanted to reach out and seize her hand...her warm - inviting - hand looked very welcoming to my own. She was next to me but I was feeling detached, like our fingers should forever be interlocked.
Stop it, I thought. No mistakes. And holding her would be a mistake.
We would be continuing the movie in Biology class today which I wasn't thrilled about. Yesterday the electricity in the room was encompassing us. I wasn't sure I would be able to not touch her while she sat so close to me in the dark room where the electricity flowed freely between us. Each little zing practically making me automatically reach out towards her.
We took our seats beside each other and I knew the warm room would soon fill with Bella's scent. The heater turned on and I was waiting to embrace it, to bring it deeper into my lungs so I could revel in the delicious scent, let it intoxicate me. I've never been drunk, but if I had to guess, I'd say her scent made me quite tipsy.
Every moment that passed by when I was with Bella was the most painful and pleasant. Though the fire I felt in my throat didn't dissipate, her aroma was something I continued to embrace. Over time her scent had become less over powering which helped the monster stay securely caged in my chest. Or maybe being around her all the time helped? Had my constant presence in her life helped to make the thirst dissipate? Each moment, the thirst was becoming more manageable with my familiarity with her scent.
The lights dimmed for the movie and I moved my chair a little farther away from hers this time. I saw her eye my movement with sadness, but it was better if I don't entice my senses too much, even though the space didn't matter much to these new feelings I had.
The need to reach out and hold her hand, or maybe put my arm around her was nearly overwhelming.
No mistakes, I fought internally.
She would probably be repulsed by how cold my skin is. She would feel the hardness of my body and maybe then she would realize the monster I am. Would she be terrified then?