became silent, not a word or thought formed for several spiraling seconds. When the curtain of silent thoughts became louder then thoughts themselves, I finally looked up to try to interpret Carlisle's face since his mind had become nothing more than a bewildered mental humming. The astonishment on his alabaster face was humorous.
Before I could make my mouth move to ask the question I seemed to be asking more and more lately, what are you thinking, Carlisle began to chuckle at full volume. He was truly taken aback, but this news hadn't bothered him at all. His mind was stunned into silence as flashes of Bella went through - all from that almost tragic day with the van.
I couldn't take the ever-growing silence emanating off the walls.
"What?" I asked with irritation.
Carlisle shot Esme a look.
Go on,Esme thought while nodding to Carlisle to continue, as if he could read her thoughts. He finally spoke.
"How did she react?"
"She said, 'it doesn't matter' what I am," my teeth gritted at the memory, and then my expression softened when I remembered the tears that welled up in her eyes at my reaction. Another mistake.
"She won't tell anyone?" he asked.
"No. I trust her." At my look, he accepted my answer without a doubt.
"Edward, this cannot be a coincidence. There is a real change happening here." Carlisle chuckled once more.
Esme put her arm around Carlisle and a large grin gradually spread across her face. My parents were... happy, excessively, even. I hadn't predicted the conversation going in this direction at all.
I was given the impression that everything was happening very fast. The monster in me began backing into the darkest corners of my mind, gradually dissipating as I was becoming more and more human the more familiar I became with Bella.
What should I do? I know what I should do; it was a matter of what I was going to do.I knew what the answer should be. I need to leave her alone. Even if I can cage the monster for the time, it is not likely I can keep him caged forever. Yes, I have my family for support, but that won't stop me from accidently hurting her. I had to leave, as Carlisle suggested.
I placed my hand over my eyes and slouched even deeper in the chair. If I sunk down any lower I'd fall right off of it.
Then thought of her deep chocolate brown eyes looking at me with tears as I said goodbye made my un-beating heart ache. The memory of her tear stained face flashed across my mind.
Would she cry? If I left, would she even care? She shouldn't. I sighed. She really does embrace danger, or maybe the right word was Entice.
I thought about Alice's vision. I pinched the bridge of my nose at the recollection. The more I thought about it the harder it was for me to imagine being alone with her without breaking or damaging her. Why did Alice put these thoughts in my head? I don't want to hurt Bella, but I don't know how much more I could take!
Being in Bella's presence with the aroma, her warmth...so brave and trusting... not touching her was going to become a problem. Her skin - so soft...electric. I started imaging her warm and cradled comfortably in my arms - lightly touching her face and pulling my hands through her hair. Before I could get too deep into that daydream I had to make a decision and fast.
Regardless of what my decision should be, I was a selfish creature and refused to go. Leaving the girl isn't an option, I decided. She was a danger to herself and she needed me to protect her, I lied effortlessly.
I shook my head as I ultimately determined I was still going to take her to the meadow. I will give her the chance to see me for who I am, I promised myself. Maybe she would finally learn how dangerous I am and run away screaming.
I won't kill her, though. I love her. I tried to convince myself that love was enough. The love I felt for her was so exquisite it was nearly pain because I knew there were only two options left for her now.
No, those won't be her only options. I will make this work. Three options. She could grow old and live out her life, but with me in tow.
Only a few seconds had passed during my reprieve. Carlisle and Esme looked fixedly at me. Their confidence in