realize that I was in love with her? I sifted through our conversation, almost surprised that I hadn't said the words out loud. It had felt like that knowledge had been the subtext of every word between us.
"Yeah and the other subtext was 'run away, Bella'... or 'I'm going to leave you, Bella,'" Bella said angrily; how was she supposed to know what he was thinking?
Wow. How do you sit there across from a male model and make conversation?
"I don't know how you're brave enough to be alone with him," Jessica said.
Shock flashed across Bella's face. "Why?"
Weird reaction. What does she think I meant?
"That he's a dangerous monster that's trying to be good," Jacob said.
"Who is good," Bella corrected him.
"He's so..." What's the right word? "Intimidating. I wouldn't know what to say to him." I couldn't even speak English to him today, and all he said was good morning. I must have sounded like such an idiot.
"Yep," Jacob agreed.
Bella smiled. "I do have some trouble with incoherency when I'm around him."
She must be trying to make Jessica feel better. She was almost unnaturally self-possessed when we were together.
Bella rolled her eyes; he so didn't see how much he affected her.
"Oh well," Jessica sighed. "He is unbelievably gorgeous."
Bella's face was suddenly colder. Her eyes flashed the same way they did when she resented some injustice. Jessica didn't process the change in her expression.
"Um... what does that expression mean?" Jacob questioned.
"He's not just a pretty face," Bella said and then started reading.
"There's a lot more to him than that," Bella snapped.
Oooh. Now we're getting somewhere. "Really? Like what?"
Bella gnawed her lip for a moment. "I can't explain it right," she finally said.
"But he's even more unbelievable behind the face." She looked away from Jessica, her eyes slightly unfocused as if she was staring at something very far away.
The feeling I felt now was loosely similar to how it felt when Carlisle or Esme praised me beyond what I deserved. Similar, but more intense, more consuming.
Bella frowned; she really was going to have to find out why he believed so strongly that he didn't deserve being praised.
Sell stupid somewhere else - there's nothing better than that face! Unless it's his body. Swoon. "Is that possible?" Jessica giggled.
Jacob chuckled at Jessica use of swoon again... it just was a weird thing to think.
Bella didn't turn. She continued to stare into the distance, ignoring Jessica.
A normal person would be gloating. Maybe if I keep the questions simple. Ha ha. Like I'm talking to a kindergartener.
Jacob narrowed his eyes at that... that sounded insulting to him.
"So you like him, then?"
I was rigid again.
Bella didn't look at Jessica. "Yes."
"I mean, do you really like him?"
"Yes."
Look at that blush!
I was.
Bella groaned.
"How much do you like him?" Jessica demanded.
The English room could have gone up in flames and I wouldn't have noticed.
Bella's face was bright red now - I could almost feel the heat from the mental picture.
"Too much," she whispered. "More than he likes me. But I don't see how I can help that."
"Do you really think you like him more?" Jacob questioned.
"I think I like him more than he's showed me that he has likes me," Bella said, completely confusing Jacob. Bella sighed and then said, "Obviously, I know that Edward loves me after hearing what he thought... but in the book... there is no way that I realize that. In the book, I must be convinced that... I don't know what I'm thinking in the book actually."
Shoot! What did Mr. Varner just ask? "Um - which number, Mr. Varner?"
It was good that Jessica could no longer quiz Bella. I needed a minute.
What on earth was that girl thinking now? More than he likes me? How did she come up with that? But I don't see how I can help that? What was that supposed to mean? I couldn't fit a rational explanation to the words. They were practically senseless.
It seemed I couldn't take anything for granted. Obvious things, things that made perfect sense, somehow got twisted up and turned backwards in that bizarre brain of hers.
Bella hissed as she read this. Was it her that twisted everything! He was the one who never seemed to be able to settle with one thought. Always having to think twenty different things at once.
More than he likes me? Maybe I shouldn't rule out the institution just yet.
I glared at the clock, gritting my teeth. How could mere minutes feel so impossibly long to an immortal? Where was my perspective?