Midnight Sun (The Twilight Saga #5) - Stephenie Meyer Page 0,306
never bear to leave my curiosity unanswered.
“I still want to know. Please?”
She sighed. Her eyes traced across the silver clouds.
“Well,” she said after a long moment. “I assumed it was some kind of… occasion. But I didn’t think it would be some trite human thing… prom!” She made a scoffing noise.
I took a short moment to control my reaction.
“Human?” I asked.
She looked down at her beautiful dress, tugging absently on a chiffon ruffle. I knew what was coming. I let her find the words she wanted.
“Okay,” she finally said. Her stare was a challenge now. “So I was hoping that you might have changed your mind… that you were going to change me, after all.”
I had so many years to feel this pain. I wished she weren’t forcing me to feel it now. Not while she was still in my arms. Not while she was in the lovely dress, the moonlight glinting off her pale shoulders, shadows like pools of night held in the curve of her collarbones.
I chose to ignore the pain and focus on just the surface of her answer.
I touched my lapel. “You thought that would be a black-tie occasion, did you?”
She frowned, embarrassed. “I don’t know how these things work. To me, at least, it seems more rational than prom does.”
I tried to smile, but that just irritated her.
“It’s not funny,” she said.
“No, you’re right, it’s not. I’d rather treat it like a joke, though, than believe you’re serious.”
“But I am serious.”
“I know,” I sighed.
It was a strange kind of pain. There was no temptation in it at all. Though what she wanted was my perfect future, an erasure of decades of agony, it didn’t appeal to me. I could never pay for my own happiness with the loss of hers.
When I’d poured out my heart to her distant God, I’d begged for strength. This much he’d given me: I felt no desire at all to see Bella immortal. My only want, my only need, was to have her life untouched by darkness, and that need consumed me.
I knew the future loomed, but I didn’t know exactly how long I had. I was committed to staying until she was totally healed, so I had a few more weeks until she was back on two feet, at least. Part of me wondered if it wouldn’t be right to wait until she outgrew me, as I’d originally planned. Wouldn’t that mean the least pain for her? It would be so easy to fall into that version. But I wasn’t sure if I had that long. The future felt like it was pressing closer. I didn’t know what the sign would be, but I knew I would recognize it when it came.
I’d tried so hard to avoid this conversation, but I could see it would make her happier to have it now. I swallowed all my pain and grief and forced myself back into this moment. I would be with her while I could be.
“And you’re really that willing?” I asked.
She bit her lip and nodded.
“So ready for this to be the end,” I sighed, stroking my finger down the side of her face. “For this to be the twilight of your life, though your life has barely started. You’re ready to give up everything.”
“It’s not the end, it’s the beginning,” she whispered.
“I’m not worth it.”
I already knew she didn’t count her human losses. And she had definitely never considered eternal losses. No one was worth that.
“Do you remember when you told me that I didn’t see myself very clearly?” she asked. “You obviously have the same blindness.”
“I know what I am.”
She rolled her eyes, annoyed with my refusal to agree with anything.
I found it suddenly easy to smile. She was so eager, so impatient to trade anything to be with me. It was impossible not to be moved by such a love.
I decided we could use a little playfulness.
“You’re ready now, then?” I asked, raising one eyebrow.
“Um. Yes?” She swallowed, nervous.
I leaned closer to her, keeping my movement unhurried. My lips finally touched the skin of her throat.
She swallowed again.
“Right now?” I whispered.
She shivered. Then her body tensed, her hands clenched into fists, and her heart started hammering faster than the faraway music from the dance.
“Yes,” she whispered.
My game had failed. I laughed at myself and straightened up. “You can’t really believe that I would give in so easily.”
She relaxed. Her heart slowed. “A girl can dream,” she said.
“Is that what you dream about? Being a monster?”
“Not exactly.” She didn’t like the word I’d used. Her voice dropped lower. “Mostly I dream about being with you forever.”
There was pain in her voice, doubt. Did she think I didn’t want her the same way? I wished I could ease her mind, but I couldn’t.
I traced the shape of her lips and breathed her name. “Bella.” I hoped she could hear the devotion in my voice. “I will stay with you.” As long as I can, as long as it’s allowed, as long as it doesn’t hurt you. Until the sign comes, until it’s impossible for me to ignore. “Isn’t that enough?”
She smiled, but she was unappeased. “Enough for now.”
Bella didn’t realize now was all we had. My breath came out as a groan.
Her fingertips brushed along the edge of my jaw. “Look,” she said. “I love you more than everything else in the world combined. Isn’t that enough?”
And then I could smile a genuine smile. “Yes, it is enough,” I promised. “Enough for forever.”
This time I spoke of the real forever. My eternal forever.
As the night finally overcame the end of the day, I leaned forward again and kissed the warm skin of her throat.
Acknowledgments
This book has been my nemesis for so many years that it’s hard to remember everyone who helped me along the way, but here are the heavy lifters:
My three amazing children, Gabriel, Seth, and Eli (now all grown men!), who behaved themselves so admirably over the last fifteen years that I was able to invest all the time I would have spent worrying about the bad choices they didn’t make into worrying about the bad choices my fictional people did make.
My super-capable husband, who handles most of the math-related and technological aspects of my life.
My mother, Candy, who quietly refused to ever accept that I had given up on this book.
My business partner, Meghan Hibbett, who keeps Fickle Fish Productions on track while I abandon the physical world for long periods of time. Also my best friend, Meghan Hibbett, who is my primary outlet when I need to scream and cry and rage over misbehaving characters.
My agent, Jodi Reamer, who let me take my time with this one but was prepared to jump into action the second I was ready.
My film agent, Kassie Evashevski, whose calm good sense keeps me off ledges.
All the great people at Little, Brown Books for Young Readers, who have given me such extraordinary support—especially Megan Tingley, who has been with me for all seventeen years (!) of my writing career, and Asya Muchnick, who is the kindest and most insightful of editors.
Roger Hagadone, the photographer who has shot our stunning, memorable covers. I can’t imagine what the feel of the saga would be without your artistry.
The gorgeous ladies of the Method Agency, Nikki and Bekah, who are always cheerful about the weird things I ask them to do.
So many gifted creators who’ve made incredible Twilight Saga websites and fanart.
So many authors who have created incredible worlds for me to escape into.
So many musicians who have unknowingly been the soundtrack in my head.
And finally, the readers who were so patiently eager for this book. I never would have finished without your support. You belong on this page. Please, write your name on the line below and give yourself a high five.
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