Midnight Sun (The Twilight Saga #5) - Stephenie Meyer Page 0,281

How quickly everything had gone awry. I felt as though I was still trying to catch up.

“That’s my fault,” Renée said, suddenly miserable. “I think I messed my girl up. For her to run away because she cares about you—that’s all on me.”

“No, don’t think that.” I knew how much it had hurt Bella to say those things to Charlie. I could imagine what she would feel to know her mother was taking this on herself. “Bella’s a very strong-willed person. She does what she wants. Anyway, she probably just needed some sun.”

Renée smiled a tiny bit at that. “Maybe.”

“Did you want to hear about the accident?”

“No, I just said that to the nurse. Bella fell down some stairs, it’s not that unusual.” It was amazing how easily both of her parents accepted the story. “The window was unfortunate.”

“Very.”

“I just wanted to get to know you a little. Bella wouldn’t be acting this way if her feelings were mild. She’s never cared seriously about anyone before. I’m not sure she knows what to do.”

I smiled at her again. “She and I both.”

Sure, handsome, she thought doubtfully. He’s very smooth.

“Be gentle with my baby,” she ordered, more forceful. “She feels things very deeply.”

“I promise you I will never do anything to hurt her.” I said the words, and I meant them in the strongest way—I would give anything to keep Bella happy and safe—but I wasn’t sure they were true. Because what would hurt Bella the most? I couldn’t escape the truest answer.

Pomegranate seeds and my underworld. Hadn’t I just witnessed a brutal example of how badly my world could go wrong for her? And she was lying here broken because of it.

Surely, keeping her with me would be the greatest hurt possible.

Hmm, he thinks he means it. Well, people get broken hearts, and then they recover. It’s part of life. But then she thought of Charlie’s face and was uneasy. I can’t think, I’m so tired. It will all make sense in the morning.

“You should sleep. It’s very late in Florida.” I could hear how distorted with pain my voice had become, but she didn’t know my voice that well.

She nodded, eyes drooping. “Wake me if she needs anything?”

“Yes, I will.”

She nestled into her uncomfortable chair and was quickly unconscious.

I moved my chair back to Bella’s side. It was strange to see her so still in sleep. I wished more than anything that she would start mumbling something from her dreams. I wondered whether I was there with her, in the dark. I didn’t know if it was right to hope that I was.

While I listened to mother and daughter breathe, I thought about Alice for the first time since she’d left me here alone. It was unlike her to give me this much space, no matter how desperate my mental state. I realized I’d been expecting her to check on Bella and me for some time now. And I could only guess one reason why she had avoided me instead.

I’d had plenty of time to process the events of the day, but I hadn’t. I’d just stared at Bella and wished fruitlessly that I’d been more, that I’d been better. That I’d found the right thing and stuck to it before this nightmare could have touched her.

Now I realized there was something more I had to do. I knew it would be painful, but also that it would not be painful enough. I deserved worse. I didn’t want to leave Bella, but this wasn’t the place. I would call Alice. I wasn’t sure where she had gone to hide from me.

I stepped out into the hall—much to the interest of two nurses, who had wondered whether I would ever leave the room—and before I could reach for my phone I heard Alice’s thoughts coming up the stairs. I walked out to meet her just inside the stairwell doors.

She was carrying something in her hands, something small and black and wrapped in thin cords, and she held it as though she wished she could crush her hands together to destroy it. Part of me was surprised she hadn’t.

I’ve had this argument with you over three hundred times, but I could never convince you.

“No, you can’t. I need to see this.”

Agree to disagree. But here. She shoved the camera toward me, and I could see she was happy to be rid of it. I took it unwillingly. It felt dark and wrong in my hand. Go somewhere you can be alone.

I