Midnight Sun (The Twilight Saga #5) - Stephenie Meyer Page 0,121

for the future, and preparing to refute them. She had no intention of going anywhere.

“Hardly bad luck,” Rosalie said through her teeth. “It’s Edward’s fault that the girl knows anything.”

“True,” I agreed quickly. “This is my fault. I am sorry.”

Please, Rosalie thought directly at me. Enough with the roll-over routine. Stop playing so penitent.

“I’m not playing,” I said to her. “I know I’m to blame for all of this. I’ve made an enormous mess of everything.”

“Alice told you I was thinking of burning your car, didn’t she?”

I smiled—sort of. “She did. But I deserve that. If it makes you feel better, have at it.”

She looked at me for a long moment, thinking about going ahead with the destruction. Testing me, to see if I was bluffing.

I shrugged at her. “It’s just a toy, Rose.”

“You’ve changed,” she said from between her teeth again.

I nodded. “I know.”

She whirled and stalked off toward the garage. But she was the one bluffing. If it wouldn’t hurt me, there was no point to the exercise. Of all my family, she was the only one who loved cars the way I did. Mine was too beautiful to vandalize for no reason.

Emmett looked after her. “I don’t suppose you’d give me the full story now.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said innocently. He rolled his eyes, then followed Rosalie.

I looked at Carlisle and mouthed Jasper’s name.

He nodded. Yes, I can imagine. I’ll speak with him.

Alice appeared in the doorway. “He’s waiting for you,” she said to Carlisle. Carlisle smiled at her—a little wryly. Though we were as used to Alice as it was possible to be, she was often uncanny. Carlisle patted her short black hair as he passed her.

I sat at the top of the stairs and Alice sat beside me, both of us listening to the conversation upstairs. There was no tension in Alice—she knew how it would end. She showed me, and my tension vanished as well. The conflict was over before it started. Jasper admired Carlisle as much as any of us did, and he was happy to follow his lead… until he thought Alice might be in danger. I found that I understood Jasper’s perspective more easily now. It was strange how much I hadn’t understood before Bella. She had changed me more than I’d known it was possible for me to change and still remain myself.

13. ANOTHER COMPLICATION

I DID NOT FEEL THE USUAL GUILT WHEN I RETURNED TO BELLA’S ROOM that night, though I knew I should. But it felt like the correct course of action—the only right thing to be doing. I was there to burn my throat as much as possible. I would train myself to ignore her scent. It could be accomplished. I would not allow this to be a difficulty between us.

Easier said than done. But I knew this helped. Practice. Embrace the pain, let that be the strongest reaction. Beat the element of desire entirely out of myself.

There was no peace in Bella’s dreams. And no peace for me, watching her twitch restlessly and hearing her whisper my name over and over. The physical pull, that overwhelming chemistry from the darkened classroom, was even stronger here in her night-black bedroom. Though she was not aware of my presence, she seemed to feel it, too.

She woke herself more than once. The first time she did not open her eyes; she merely buried her head under her pillow and groaned. That was good luck for me—a second chance I didn’t deserve, since I didn’t put it to good use and leave as I should have. Instead, I sat on the floor in the farthest dark-shadowed corner of the room, and trusted that her human eyes would not spot me here.

She didn’t catch me, even the time that she got up and stalked to the bathroom for a glass of water. She moved angrily, perhaps frustrated that sleep still evaded her.

I wished there was some action I could take, as before with the warm blanket from the cupboard. But I could only watch as I burned, useless to her. It was a relief when she finally sank into a dreamless unconsciousness.

I was in the trees when the sky lightened from black to gray. I held my breath—this time to keep the scent of her from escaping. I refused to let the pure morning air erase the ache in my throat.

I listened to breakfast with Charlie, struggling again to find the words in his thoughts. It was fascinating—I