“Fine.” We signal to our waitress that we’re stepping out and then I follow her out the door into the alley.
Mila
I drive toward the Bistro noting the subtle changes in the landscape. I’ve spent so much time on location with Lucas often opting not to step out of the sanctuary of our home once he wraps. In a way, I feel like I’m no longer a citizen of my own city. In LA, there are some landmarks that will never change while construction rises and falls in a blur around them. Kind of like a fast-forward reel around a still image. Time marches on, and trends come and go, but the rich history of who is and who was forever remains the theme.
Though this sea of stars has many shapes, Lucas’s is the one I’m most fond of, though it’s getting more unrecognizable as the days pass. He’s changed his walk and is talking more with his hands, his movements more calculated than relaxed, his jaw set while his eyes dance with obscurity. His eating habits have also shifted, and he’s dropped a good amount of weight, his much slimmer build giving way to a more youthful appearance. He looks fresh out of boot camp but with longer hair. These things don’t alarm me, and I’m positive there are other less subtle things I haven’t caught onto yet.
With me, he keeps conversations short and only gets irritated at any mention of Blake. Instead of dwelling on it, I help him research and leave sticky notes on his desk of characteristics I’ve unveiled from a respectable source about the mobster. Rayo loved pistachios, and they were sometimes found at a few of his crime scenes, but it was never enough to convict him, especially in the sixties and the seventies when he carried out his own killing. Lucas thanked me for that little tidbit with a quickie and the next day, I was picking up shells all over the house.
We are a team.
Though at times my resentment grows for his station in life, not every movie star who’s made it is promised a long and prosperous career. A lot of extended success relies on behavior, ability, and relevance and there may come a time where Lucas isn’t relevant anymore. This is his window, and he has to take it. Some actors disappear overnight, fading away into the background to make room for more, while others, like Blake, implode publicly and remind us all they are complex humans who get overlooked by the movement.
It’s been almost a month since we buried Blake and Lucas is set to start shooting in a few days. For the last few weeks since our night on the balcony, he’s been holed up in his office doing extensive research or keeping appointments with wardrobe. Nova drops by every day or so to run lines with him which hurts me because I’ve been replaced for the job. Maybe he’s giving me the freedom because I’m going back to work, and I can’t dwell on that.
We have rules for a reason.
It’s what I signed up for when I married Lucas. What I didn’t expect was when it came to the most compelling roles, how far he would take his absences and how much of himself he would let his characters absorb. The process for any actor who lives for their passion is taxing, but the creative isn’t the only one who has to suffer through it.
I read somewhere that before Angelina Jolie filmed Gia, she told her then-husband that she wouldn’t be talking to him during filming because she was now a gay, dying supermodel. Nothing is off the table, nor is it a ploy for attention. Half the time, the public has no idea what these artists go through to prep and execute a character. For Method actors, what looks effortless on screen takes far longer to put together.
When I got involved with Lucas, and he explained the process, I’d done my homework and found out plenty of actors used these insane tactics and went beyond just the basic principles.
Adrien Brody shed thirty pounds, declared himself homeless, left his girlfriend and possessions and fled the country so he could identify with a Holocaust survivor for The Pianist.
Heath Ledger was rumored to have isolated in a motel room for weeks to deprive himself of sleep catapulting him into a state of perpetual madness to play the Joker in The Dark Knight.