apology of sorts, though I’m not sure why I would expect one. We’re in a strange place, but I’ll be patient. You don’t snap back from something like this and move on as if your life hasn’t been altered.
Though I wasn’t that close with Blake, my husband loved him like family, relied on him and his opinion despite their life choices. Blake was always a variable. We never knew what condition we would see him in. I vow to myself that I’ll try harder to give him the space he’s indirectly asking for, support his project, help him get out of his head, and resurrect the career I started before I became a Hollywood wife.
My phone buzzes again on the seat next to me and I see my mother’s name on the screen before letting the call go to voice mail. I’m not in the mood to give her a weekly report. Her idea of conversation is an interrogation. She means well, but she’s the type that offers advice whether it’s asked for or not. I’d learned over the years to just humor her, let her have her say and nod in agreement. It’s not the most constructive way to have a relationship, but it’s better than arguing. She’s eased up on her aggression as of late, and though it saddens me, I can’t help to think it’s because she’s aging. I’m still not in the mood. I’m already on edge. It’s going to take all I have in me to go into Blake’s apartment and keep Amanda calm.
A car horn sounds behind me, the driver impatient for me to take the five feet of space that’s become available in front of me. I’m helpless in this gridlock. Amanda is probably losing her mind, and I’m stuck in at least a half an hour more of bumper-to-bumper traffic. Lana Del Ray sings “Young and Beautiful” as I pull my hair into a knot and open the sunroof on my Range Rover to soak up some sunshine. In an act of good faith, I shoot off a text to my husband.
It’s beautiful out. Wine date later?
It takes the better part of ten minutes for a text to come through.
Oscar-Winning actor Lucas Walker: Sure.
I laugh hysterically at the new handle he’s put for himself on my phone.
Oscar winner, huh?
Oscar-Winning actor Lucas Walker: You know the rules.
I did. Lucas was a firm believer of manifestation. His philosophy was to put his dreams and aspirations out there and speak them aloud and frequently, not only to hope but to expect the universe to answer. He said that’s how he indirectly became a success. He often tells me it was decided when he was young and there was no wiggle room, it was expected, so that’s how it happened. The work he did in between the dream and realization was a part of it, and he doesn’t deny it was necessary. He insists it was the road between vision and completion.
I know for a fact that the handle on my phone is a joke because Lucas cares more about the work than winning an award. He’d left his Actor statue from the SAG awards at an after party the first time he won anything.
Then again, what actor genuinely doesn’t care about an Oscar?
When he first told me about his theories, I was a little hesitant to buy into it. Some people just need to see to believe, and I guess I was one of them. The truth is, I’ve seen the manifestation of so much since we met, I’ve traded in my cynicism and become a believer. Lucas made me one.
After a somber greeting, Amanda hugs me tightly to her before letting me into the apartment. Seconds into our embrace, I hear the familiar click of the cameras. I hadn’t seen any paparazzi when I pulled up. Lucas was right, I would have been busted by morning. Stepping inside, I survey the space. I’d never been to Blake’s apartment, he’d never invited us over when he moved to Venice Beach after the divorce, and the minute I walked in, I knew why. It was a far cry from the house he’d shared with Amanda in the hills. His fall had hit him harder financially than Lucas and I realized. He had upscale furnishings in between mutely stained walls. He made good use of the space but, it was obvious that his once posh life had gone awry. Lucas always said Blake was the comeback kid