then leans over the table. “Sometimes, I think there was a lot more going on behind the scenes than I thought.”
“What do you mean?”
“He drank a lot on the set of Buzzed, a lot. I remember smelling it when we filmed, and no one said a word, not even his mother. It was as if they were giving him permission. It was just weird. They constantly argued between themselves—the producers, the directors. It was a hot mess. I think that’s one of the reasons the show got canceled. But they never said a word about his drinking and they didn’t fire him—they just let him do whatever he wanted. Mila, he was only thirteen-years-old. You don’t give a thirteen-year-old that much power.”
I was in and out of my thoughts as she spoke, but it was one sentence in particular that had my whole body shuddering.
“He was so nervous back then, had these crazy habits, juggling, shuffling cards, oh and this coin trick that used to drive me crazy. He was just erratic. Lashing out one day, happy the next. It was unreal. I steered clear of him during the show. We weren’t close then. When we got together years later, he had chilled out some. But that’s Blake. And Lucas isn’t Blake.”
“Oh my God,” I say, as unease settles over my bones while I pull my cell from my purse and frantically scroll for Amanda’s number. Filled with trepidation, I stare at our front door, thankful when she answers on the first ring.
“Hey girl, did you get home okay? I was worried tha—”
“Amanda,” I say with a jittery voice. “You said Blake did a coin trick.”
“Yeah,” she says, her tone a question. “Why?”
“Wh—what color was the coin?”
“What?”
“The coin Blake used for his trick. What color was it?”
“Gold. I think it was some European coin. He used to flip it constantly between his fingers when he was reading his script, you know, like Val Kilmer does in that old movie Real Genius? Yeah, Val was one of Blake’s heroes. Come to think of it, I couldn’t find it when we packed.”
“Oh, God.” My stomach rolls. “I think I’m going to be sick.”
“What? Mila, you’re scaring me.”
“I’m scaring myself,” I whisper as I gaze at the door, fighting the threatening nausea. “Did anyone else…do you know if Lucas had a key to Blake’s condo?”
“I’m not sure. Probably…why? What’s going on?”
“Amanda, I can’t…oh God,” I slump against the side of the house all the fight leaving my body. “I’ll call you back.”
“Okay, love. I’ll be here.”
“I’ll call you back,” I repeat, fixated on our front door in a daze, afraid of what I might find lurking behind it. I take deep breaths to try to calm myself. Finally finding the courage to turn the knob, I step inside far too leary for what I’m about to face.
Immediately, I hear Blake’s voice fill the living room which sends a chill up my spine. “You’re such a fucking square, Walker.”
“And you’re an asshole, Iceman.”
Iceman.
My stomach rolls again as I do my best to inhale the breath I can’t seem to catch. Walking into the living room, I see Lucas is fully absorbed in the home movie the four of us made in Mexico years ago. We’d vacationed together in Baja on a borrowed yacht. It was one of the best trips we’d ever had. Lucas had just wrapped a film, and Blake was still in demand but was on a filming break of his own. The trip had been thrown together in a matter of days. I was filming the movie on one of Blake’s old handhelds and had just caught Amanda as her eyes rolled. You could see the shake of the shot due to my laughter as I recorded our husbands, who were drunk off their asses, busting each other’s balls. Lucas looks on at the movie, rapt with glazed eyes, agony twisting his features.
How could I not see it?
Staring at his profile, I note the cracks in his posture, heavy sorrow etched in his face. He’s watching a life he’ll never get back.
A life he threw away.
A life he ended.
Treading lightly until I’m just a foot away, I softly speak his name. “Blake.”
My suspicions are confirmed when Lucas looks up and over to me as if he’s been answering to that name his whole life. I have to fight myself not to scream out in reaction with the way he so easily responds. Swallowing, I take a step forward, engaging him. “Blake,