Mess Us Up – Jaxson Kidman Page 0,56

this doesn’t happen again. Also, it’s a message to the others.”

“Not that anyone needs a message,” I say.

“Of course not, D, but the point is… we play it that way.”

“D?”

“What?”

“You just called me D…”

“No, I didn’t,” Mama says.

“You just-”

“If you’re sure about this, I’ll call right now,” Mama says. “Who knows what Ado will do next, right?”

I nod. “Exactly.”

Mama turns off the oven and the burners on the stove. She wipes her hands on her apron and slowly takes it off. Then she shuffles away.

Just like that, I’ve sealed Ado’s fate.

Although he sealed it himself by doing what he’s done.

I have to leave the house.

I step outside and take a deep breath.

I feel like my chest is about to fucking cave in.

Mama is sick and dying.

Ado is about to face the end of his road.

And Jolie isn’t with me at the moment.

I light a cigarette and think about Ado.

There was a time when the crew was bigger. There was a time when Barr from BFH was part of it all too. He and I can go punch for punch on who actually made BC what it is today. He got lost in a girl and lost the vision of the crew. On what I wanted to do. What I needed to do. There was no choice but to have him leave BC. Did I step in on his girl where he left off? Maybe. That’s a whole other story. You can figure that one out for yourself.

For me, I look at where things have gone.

Ado wasn’t completely useless. But he put himself in the position he’s in now.

And he knows it.

If he’s smart, he’s already gone.

Then again, he showed up to the table right after the Jolie incident happened.

I shake my head.

I feel for him a little. Fucking Jolie has taught me how to feel things. I can feel pain, hurt and regret for Ado, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to cut the guy a break. He’s going to go away. His mother is going to die from cancer. And that’s that.

That’s life.

That’s fate.

I finish my cigarette and go back inside.

Mama is at the stove.

She grabs for her gun and turns and points it at me.

“What are you doing?” I ask.

“Don’t you knock?” she asks.

“Knock? I went outside for a cigarette.”

“What?”

“Did you call?”

“I called,” she says. “It’s taken care of. Don’t worry about it. Just stay away from it for a little bit. Let Mac come to you.”

She puts the gun down and faces the stove again.

“Mac…?” I ask.

“Yeah. He’s hurting over it. I feel for him. We just have to make sure everything else stays quiet around him.”

I swallow hard. “Mama… I’m…” I pause. “What are we keeping quiet?”

“Don’t play stupid, Declan,” she says.

Fuck. She thinks I’m Declan.

“I’m not playing stupid,” I say. “There’s a lot going on. I’ve been scrambling. Everything with Jolie…”

“Yeah, well, she’s one lucky girl,” Mama says. “You know my stance. I would have had her gone a long time ago. I’m not sure she or Mac will ever realize how close she was to…” Mama looks back at me. “You know.”

I nod. “Yeah. Right. Scary stuff.”

“Oh, stop it,” Mama says. She’s watching the stove again. “It was just a little scare, that’s all. If I wanted to really hurt her I could have called someone else. We both know you wouldn’t have done anything more than what you did.”

“More than what I did, huh?”

“You weren’t going to kill her,” Mama says. “Not that I wanted you to anyway. It was just to give her a good scare, which you did. I didn’t expect her to jump into the arms of Mac even more. A smart girl like Jolie… I thought she would have taken off. Ran away. Hidden. Anything. But it’s good for Mac though. He’s happy. I’ve never seen him as happy as he is right now. Just as long as we stay silent on everything, Declan.”

She thinks I’m Declan and she’s talking about Jolie.

“Yeah, we’ll stay silent on everything,” I say. “Can’t believe I broke into Jolie’s apartment.”

“Well, she did answer the door,” Mama says with a laugh. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore, Declan. I’m happy for Mac. And I do like Jolie. Maybe it all worked out for the better. I do feel bad for her father though. What a mess he’s in. I don’t think he’ll survive any of this.”

The words seep into me slowly.

I stand in the kitchen and take deep breaths.

It’s all swelling around