Mess Us Up – Jaxson Kidman Page 0,4

for me.

Don’t worry, he knows I’m upstairs.

He’s part of this entire thing too.

Is your head sick yet from spinning too much?

Because mine is.

I take a deep breath and listen to their conversation.

“She’s fine here,” Mama Dae says. “You just need to point in a different direction.”

“I can only do that so much,” Declan says. “Eventually they’ll stop listening to me.”

“We’ll handle that when the time comes,” Mama Dae says.

“Okay. Any word from Mac yet?”

“Don’t worry about him,” Mama Dae says. “Do you not remember who you are in this? Do I need to remind you of your position?”

“No,” Declan says. “I’m just doing what I’m told, Mama.”

“That’s good. Now listen to me. We need to watch her father. Closely. I need to know how he’s taking it. What he’s doing. I need to know everything about him. It’s going to be a delicate balance here.”

“Her mother?” Declan asks.

“So far her nose is clean,” Mama Dae says. “But, you know, money buys some damn good makeup to cover up the shit…”

Declan laughs. “Got it. I’ve already given my opinion on the parents.”

“Meaning what?”

“You know, that I’ll check them out.”

“Why would you do that?” Mama Dae yells.

“If I don’t, someone else will,” Declan says. “Who knows how locked up tight her father is, right? One little slip…”

“Okay,” Mama Dae says. “I don’t like it. But I understand it. You ask the simple questions. You look sad. You act pissed. You can’t believe you have to ask parents such questions.”

“I’ll play it perfectly,” Declan says. “Trust me, I’m good at lying.”

“That you are,” Mama Dae says. “Now, listen, here, take something to eat. I’ll make you something to go. Don’t argue with me over it.”

“I never would,” Declan says. “Your cooking is everything.”

“Don’t fucking forget it either,” Mama Dae says.

I stand up and walk back to my bedroom.

I miss Mac.

My heart feels heavy.

I sit down on the bed and grab for the burner cell.

I flip it open and stare at the screen.

If I call Violet… just to tell her I’m okay… but make her swear she won’t say a word…

I shake my head.

I can’t do that yet.

Not until more of this plays out.

I put the phone down and I crawl back into bed.

The light is on in the bathroom and I don’t mind it.

I can use a little light.

I know when I shut my eyes I’m going to go back to that nightmare.

Which is so stupid.

There’s no reason to have that nightmare.

Mama Dae feeds me more than I’m used to eating. I’m actually nervous about gaining weight. But you can’t tell her no when it comes to food.

She’s not afraid to tell me stuff either.

She has a clear line of what I can and cannot know.

Nobody can hurt me here.

Nobody can find me.

I try to bite my fingernails but that doesn’t work.

I shut my eyes and roll to the other side of the bed.

I try breathing.

I try counting sheep.

My last resort is to find substance.

I can find something to drink.

Or maybe I can find a pill or something else.

“No,” I whisper.

I can’t go down that road.

So that means I’m wide awake.

Wide awake and waiting…

I keep my breathing calm.

That’s most important.

I do shut my eyes at some point but I don’t actually sleep.

I’m half awake.

I’m alert enough to hear the bedroom door open.

My heart instantly begins to pound.

I want to shake but I tell myself not to.

I have to stay calm.

There’s noise in the bedroom.

Noise in the bathroom.

Noise back in the bedroom.

Then the bed moves a little.

I swallow hard.

I hand touches my shoulder and I’m pulled to my back.

I look up.

“You’re here,” I whisper.

“Of course I am, sweetie,” Mac says.

He smiles and then kisses me.

I wake in the morning and stare at Mac for a few seconds.

I don’t even breathe.

I just stare at him.

Just to capture the moment between us. The only sense of calm that ever seems to happen anymore.

Of course, if you’re in my shoes, this feels like a lifetime already. In reality, it’s not that long at all. And, again, I’m completely safe.

I’m fine.

This is just my part in Mac’s wild life.

What started out as me learning a few things here and there turned into me helping with the business with that black bag on the beach and it now turned into me faking my own kidnapping.

All to get to the truth.

I’m not totally sure what that truth is, but at the end of the day (or night) at least I know Mac will slide his arms around me, hug me,