Mess Us Up – Jaxson Kidman Page 0,19

a decision on my own.

It takes me twenty minutes to walk the block.

I take my time and enjoy every second of it.

Then I decide to do it again.

Why not?

I stop at the corner and look around.

My nose smells something.

It smells greasy.

It smells really good.

I jog across the street, knowing I’m breaking even more rules.

I really don’t care though.

I need this.

It’s my freedom.

And now it’s my stomach wanting to find out what smells so good.

I hear the engine of a car and I slow down.

I look back and then look forward really quick.

I suck in a breath and hold it as the car passes by.

Just like that… the car is gone.

When I exhale, I smile.

I don’t even know if anyone is looking for me, right? I don’t know what’s really happening.

The next time I see a car, I don’t bother flinching for a second.

It’s all going to be okay.

Two more blocks of walking and I find a little corner restaurant. It’s like a deli and breakfast place all combined into one. There’s a sign on the door for to go items and that’s what I want.

Slip in and slip out.

To grab something to eat even though I’m not hungry at all.

A sense of… normalcy.

I’m going to walk into a little corner restaurant thing and then walk out and walk back to Mama Dae’s and tell myself everything is perfectly fine.

I open the door and step inside.

Part of me expects everyone to look at me.

To look and point and start to freak out because I’m the missing girl.

Not a single person looks at me.

Straight ahead is the counter where you pay.

To my right is the seating area to sit and relax.

I’m jealous of everyone sitting, eating, reading the paper, checking their phones, relaxing.

To my left there’s a long, glass case on the counter.

That’s where the to go food is waiting.

I step to the glass and see a bacon, egg, and cheese sandwich on a bagel.

Hello calorie and carb heaven…

I grab for the sandwich and I lick my lips.

I’ll find room in my stomach for the sandwich.

That I’m not worried about.

I slowly turn and look at the elderly woman behind the cash register.

She’s not even looking at me.

Which is perfect.

This is perfect.

I walk to the register and put the sandwich down on the counter.

“Is that everything?” the elderly woman asks me.

“That’s it,” I say in a happy voice. “I just wanted to-”

A hand clamps down on my right shoulder.

7

MAC

I walk to the skatepark as Winston comes flying up the halfpipe and loses his board and his balance. His board ends up in the sand and he lands on his feet, but stumbles all the way to the railing.

He bursts into laughter and claps his hands together, then runs his hand through his ratty hair.

He turns and looks at me. “Hey, Mac.”

“You good?” I ask.

“Yeah,” he says with a smile.

His eyes are like tiny little beads.

He’s high as a cloud.

Jakey comes running Winston’s way, whistling and clapping his hands.

“That was fucking ace!” Jakey yelled.

“Man, that was bold as fuck,” Winston says.

I shake my head and keep walking.

I go to the railing and lean against it.

Down at the shore I see some of Van’s guys.

They’re standing and pointing to the waves.

Behind me the sound of the wheels on the halfpipes are like their own music or something. Like the waves hitting the shore, you know? The skateboarders, the bladers, the bikers… they all have their own noise.

I turn my head and see someone new at the bikers.

You ever see those things they call fanny packs?

Yeah, well, this new guy has one with the pack bouncing off his ass as he walks.

He grabs a bike and starts to ride.

This guy takes the halfpipe and does a full backflip on his first ride.

I nod and look forward again.

I light a cigarette and wait for Les and Taz to show up.

We have to figure things out as a crew, but right now, I just need Les and Taz.

Aric, Raf, and Ado are handling the campus business for me.

I told Aric and Raf to make sure all the pretty girls are feeling good. And I told Ado to handle the rough shit and I’ll throw him a little extra cash at the end of the day.

So everyone fucking wins.

I hear Taz’s booming voice behind me.

I turn and lean into the corner of the railing.

I fist bump Les first, then Taz.

“We’ve got a new guy over there,” I say to them as I nod to the bikers. “I’ll have to