Mess Us Up – Jaxson Kidman Page 0,18
“Not like this. I’ll hate her for the rest of my life if that happens. I don’t care what she means to you.”
“There’s no need to hate anyone right now, sweetie.”
“What about you?” I ask.
“What about?”
“Can I hate you?”
“Hate me for what…”
“Just everything,” I say.
I kiss him and then move away.
Mac grabs my wrist and pulls me back. “You can hate me for everything, Jolie. But as long as you know I’ll do anything to keep you alive and safe, I don’t care.”
“I’m not supposed to be out here,” I say to him.
“I know. You’re nothing but a rule breaker now.”
“Are you going to let me smoke a cigarette or what?” I ask.
Mac grins. “You know where they are.”
We go back into the house.
I see Mama Dae first.
She’s getting herself settled at the table.
“Come on,” she yells to me. “You’re holding up dinner. Let’s move.”
I force a smile to my face and go to the table.
I look at Taz and shake my head.
“Something wrong, darling?” Taz asks.
“You look like hell,” I say. “Violet isn’t into the beat up guy look.”
Les strokes his chin. “Look at my face. I bet Violet loves it.”
“I thought we had something here, Jolie,” Taz says. “That hurts.”
“Well, looking at you hurts,” I say.
I sit down and look at Mama Dae.
She’s staring at Mac.
And she looks a little sad.
Having a guy like Mac take me to bed each night is not the worst thing in the world.
I just have to say that.
Maybe it’s a little reminder to myself too.
Because it feels like the same thing over and over now…
Sitting up in bed with Mac, talking and flirting. That’s the fun part.
Having a drink or two. That’s fun too.
Waiting for Mac to make his move and then he and I touching and tasting each other for hours… that’s the best part.
There’s not a night I don’t fall asleep with my heart racing.
Or the nights where he does change things up and carries me to the shower and we stand there, trying to clean ourselves up only to go at it again.
Believe me, those are the best moments… maybe in my entire life.
But then it’s morning again.
We kiss.
He gets out of bed.
He smokes a cigarette.
We go downstairs.
Sometimes the guys are there.
Sometimes they aren’t.
It’s just… the same.
This morning after breakfast, Mac takes my hand and walks me to the front porch.
“I promise nothing crazy today,” he says to me. “It’s just a normal day for me right now. I’ll be back earlier too. Maybe if things go right, I can pick up Violet again or something. Throw a little party upstairs?”
“I don’t know,” I say. “We’ll see.”
“I know this is hard for you,” he says. “But look where you are. There’s nobody around. You’re going to be okay.”
I look around.
He’s right.
There is nobody around.
He kisses me.
I grab his hand and squeeze it tight. “Promise me.”
“I promise, sweetie,” he says. “Nothing crazy today.”
We go back inside and Taz is waiting for Mac.
Mac goes into the kitchen and Taz comes my way.
“Still want to be mean to me?” he asks.
“You got shot at?” I whisper.
“No big deal.”
“Taz…”
“Hey, stop,” he says.
“Taz, you know something’s wrong, right? You, Les… Mac…”
“Darling, you have to stop,” he says. “We know what we know. Do me a favor.”
“What?”
“Tell Violet I love her,” he says.
“That I won’t do.”
“Okay. Just tell her I want her in bed. Cut through the bullshit. Life’s too short.”
“Again… no. I’m not even allowed to contact her.”
“Shit,” Taz says. “Well, maybe you can give me her number? I’ll pass a message from you to her. My gift to you.”
“Here’s my gift to you, Taz,” I say.
I lift my right middle finger.
Taz laughs. “You used to be calmer and nicer. Mac really messed you up.”
He winks and walks away.
I watch as Mac and Taz leave the house.
Then it’s just myself and Mama Dae once again.
She shuffles from the kitchen to the dining room.
She has to adjust each chair just to say she did so.
When she spots me, she smiles. “You okay, Jolie?”
“Fine,” I say.
Mama Dae wanders off to her room.
I don’t move right away though.
I have an idea.
A really bad idea.
But… it’s something I need to do.
I walk down the sidewalk with my sunglasses on and I know I have the hood of my hoodie to pull up if I feel like something is wrong.
So far, so good.
Mama Dae’s street is really quiet.
Calm and quiet.
I just want to walk around the block.
Just to be on my own.
To breathe fresh air.
Most of all… to make