Up to Me - By M. Leighton Page 0,16

I turn onto my back and then continue rolling until I'm facing him. I'm so close, if I puckered my lips just right, I could kiss his chin.

In the dimly lit room, I can see his eyes sparkle like black diamonds. The light from the living room spills softly through the door and illuminates half his face, leaving the other half in deep shadow.

I can hear his breathing. I can feel the heat pouring from his body. I know he's as excited as I am, that he wants this just as much as I do, and yet he's willing to hold off. Just for me.

But what if I don't want him to? What if, despite the never ending doubts and misgivings and horrors of the day, I want him? Is that enough? For now? Would that be so bad?

It is in a way. In another way, it's not. But the fact of the matter is, right now I need Cash. I need him to hold me, to kiss me, to touch me. I need him inside me, filling me up with his presence and his security. Tomorrow will bring new worries. I can think more then.

Just as slowly, Cash runs his fingers up over my collarbone and pushes the material off my other shoulder. It hangs on the tip of my breast and I see his eyes drop to my chest. I suck in a breath and hold it. His gaze burns like a physical touch.

Deliberately, he raises his hand to the center of my chest and runs the backs of his fingers over my nipple, freeing the robe and exposing my flesh to his hungry eyes. Again, he doesn't move for several seconds. Again, neither do I. When his eyes flicker up to mine, they're full of all sorts of things, but most apparent is resolve. He won't let himself give in. Not tonight. It's that important to him. Why, I don't know. Maybe I'm that important to him. I can only hope.

Leaning slightly forward, Cash pushes the robe off me, toward my back, running his hand over my butt and then up to the side of my thigh. When I'm lying in front of him, as naked as he is, he lets his eyes wander over me.

I see them close just before he rolls onto his back and raises his arm to loop over my head. He pulls me onto his chest. I let my hand skate over the hard muscles of his stomach and drape my knee over his thigh.

I can't hear him breathing. I wonder if he's holding his breath. I don't know, but I can hear his heart slamming against his ribs. He's fighting me, fighting us, fighting this.

I think for a second of teasing him a little, of changing his mind, but respect for what he's doing rears up and stops me. I don't want to make more out of his consideration than what it is, but that still leaves me with the question: what does it mean?

Cash's lips graze my hair just before he croaks, "Go to sleep, baby. You're safe. I promise."

On some level, I must believe him. So I sleep.

********

Something shifts at my back. It's smooth and warm, and it takes me less than a second to realize it's Cash. He's behind me. And he's naked.

His hips flex, pressing his erection into the crease of my butt. Without thought to consequence, I arch my back and push into him.

I hear him suck in a breath and my stomach flutters in response.

He's awake.

Please don't let this be a dream.

One big hand skates over my hip and onto my stomach then up to cup my breast. With his fingertips, he teases the nipple until it aches for him, for his mouth. Reaching up, I place my hand over his, squeezing his fingers. He kneads my sensitive flesh until my pulse steps up to a quicker beat.

I feel his lips at the curve of my neck. Then his tongue. It sneaks out to wet a circle on my skin then he nips it with his teeth. Chills break out down my chest and back, and my belly tightens in anticipation.

I want this to happen. I need this to happen. So I go with it. I