clean. But this version of her wasn’t clean. If her scratching at her arms and her greasy hair weren’t enough to tell me, then the way her eyes batted around did. She was coming down off her high, and her being here slammed me right back to high school when she’d turn up in the middle of my classes.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, trying to keep my voice even, but it was hard when people were walking by. It was busier because all of the classes started at the same time in this building, so an influx of students were making their way in.
“I need your help.” Her voice was rough, a clear sign that she was struggling.
I held my breath, staring at her. I should have walked away. Mateo had told me to break the chains, and I had, but the longer I stood here, the more I felt them clicking back around my wrists, pulling me back in.
“What kind of help?” I asked. I was setting myself up. I should have ignored her. I should have turned and gotten lost in the fray of students. I should have done a lot of things, but I didn’t. My feet stayed glued to the floor, my loyalty to the person who had brought me into this world running deep.
“I…I want to get clean.”
I inhaled a breath and let it go slowly. This wasn’t the first time she’d wanted to get clean, but it was the first time she’d come to me.
I tilted my head, frowning. “Why?” I paused. “Why now?”
“Because…” Her gaze moved from left to right, skittering across the campus. “Because I miss you. I want my daughter back.”
Tears burned at my eyelids, my body feeling like it was caving in on me. Everything in me told me to walk away. I had a good life. I had a man who loved me. Two incredible kids who deserved so much more than what they’d been handed.
But that little voice inside my head—the one who reminded me of the little girl I used to be, full of hope that her parents would be just like everyone else’s—told me not to turn my back on her.
“Okay,” I whispered, realizing that all of the students had gone inside, and now we were the only two people standing outside of the building. “I can get you help.”
A breath whooshed out of her, her eyes flickering to life then going out again. “Finally,” she murmured, but I wasn’t sure what she meant. Finally she was going to get clean for good? Finally I’d said okay?
My legs wobbled as I moved toward her, my body not feeling like my own. Adrenaline pumped through me at the idea of getting my mom back for good. “Let’s get off campus.” My cell burned like a white hot flame in my pocket. I knew I had to call Mateo, but I needed to get her away from the college. I didn’t need people seeing her. I didn’t need the judgement in their eyes directed my way. I’d had enough of that to last two lifetimes.
She jerked her head in a nod, walking beside me down the pathway. I wasn’t sure what to say to her—if there was anything I could say. We’d been through this more times than I could count, and even though that small voice was full of hope, the rest of me knew the likelihood of it lasting would be slim to none.
But I had to try, right? What if that slim chance became a reality? I could get my mom back. The one she was when she was clean. The one who actually cared what I was doing.
“Wait,” she blurted, causing me to stop at the end of the road that led onto the campus.
I blinked. “What?”
“Where are we going to go?”
I reached into my pocket and pulled my cell out. “I know someone who will help—”
Nails scraped against my fingers as her hand smacked my cell out of my grip. It slammed to the ground, face down, and I was sure the screen would be shattered. “What the he—” My breath knocked out of me as arms banded around me from behind. I screamed, my legs kicking out as I was picked up. “Let me go!”
I was frantic, trying to get out of the hold, but whoever it was had trapped my arms to my sides. I slammed my head back, hoping to make contact with something, but all I hit