Matchmaker (Empire High #4) - Ivy Smoak Page 0,120

with me,” Rob said.

I ignored them. “When I was worried about the hitwoman, Tanner offered to let me stay with him…”

“You could have stayed with me,” Rob said. “You know that.”

“It was just for a few nights. I’m moving out tomorrow.”

“Depending on Nigel’s schedule,” Tanner added. “Speaking of which, he will be worried. Let’s get going.” He slapped me on the back like a good friend that hadn’t just given me a boner in front of all my other friends.

James started laughing harder. “In the handbook about interventions I read, you’re supposed to hug at the end. Can we skip that part so Matt doesn’t try to sword fight us?”

“Shut up,” I mumbled. But I couldn’t help but laugh. This was too ridiculous not to. “And I’m good without a hug.”

“We can tell you’re good,” Mason said.

“Well, only as good as a Caldwell can get,” Rob said. He pretended to cough. “Tiny dicks.” He coughed again.

“Yeah right, Rob,” Mason said. “Drink some juice and prove you’re bigger.”

“Fine.” Rob got up. “I will. Hunters for the win.”

But before he could grab the glass, Tanner dumped it into a houseplant. “You won’t be wanting to drink that. There were a lot of pills in there.”

“What the fuck?” I said. “Do I need to go to a hospital?”

“The houseplant is probably worse off than you are. You just need some rest. We’ll see you tomorrow for guys’ night,” Tanner said, inviting himself as usual. “Ciao.”

He put his arm around my shoulders to lead me out of the study.

I pushed him off. “Dude, don’t touch me when I have a boner.”

“It’s not a real boner. It’s a fake one.”

“It sure feels real to me.”

Tanner laughed. “Well, I hope you learned your lesson. Next time don’t drug someone.”

“Same advice to you, man.”

“You’ll be fine in no time. I’ll have Nigel whip you up something to alleviate that.”

“Don’t you dare tell Nigel I have a boner.” I heard more laughter and turned around.

James was standing there shaking his head. “Just for the record, I wasn’t mad at you about my bachelor party. But we’re definitely even now.”

“Good to know that this wasn’t necessary,” I groaned.

“See you tomorrow,” said James.

“Daddy, Daddy!” Scarlett ran into the foyer.

“Pumpkin, what are you doing out of bed?”

Scarlett slid to a stop. “I was thirsty.” Her eyes grew round. “What’s in Uncle Matt’s pants?”

“Um…” James started.

I cleared my throat. “It’s not…”

“It’s a snake,” Tanner said.

Scarlett screamed and ran out of the room.

James shook his head. “I’m going to go deal with that. She has a thing about snakes. Later, guys.”

Tanner opened up the door.

“I’m going to kill you,” I grumbled.

“Is it going to be a feeble attempt like when you tried to slap me at dinner? Good luck, Matt. You can’t touch me. And I did you a favor. I fixed your relationship with your other, lesser friends.”

“I had already done that by apologizing.”

He shrugged. “Well, I’m sure this was the cherry on top for all of them.”

“Rob’s my best friend now,” I said.

Tanner laughed. “That’s just your boner talking.” He frowned. “Wow that sounded really gay.” He shook his head. “What a night, huh?”

Chapter 36

Thursday

Nigel stared at me as I held ice on my dick.

“Please stop looking at it,” I said.

“Then how else are we going to know if the swelling goes down?” he asked.

“I’ll tell you.” Stop staring at my penis, Nigel.

“The hitwoman has been called off,” Tanner said. “So Matt is safe to move home. Could you coordinate the arrangements, Nigel?”

“I’ll have to check my calendar,” he said.

Tanner just stared at him.

“Would you like me to check it now, Master Tanner?”

“Yes.”

Nigel nodded. “Let me go get my planner.” He bowed and ran off.

“Thanks for bringing it up to him,” I said.

“No problem. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have company.”

“Who?” I asked. There was no one else here.

There was a knock on the door.

“Here she is. Have fun with your ice. Maybe you should invite Kennedy over. If you do, knock on my door so I can meet her before she takes care of that for you.”

“I’m not inviting Kennedy over right now.” She’d never let me live this down. Plus she’d wonder why I was living in this weird apartment with Tanner instead of at my own house. A whole restaurant already thought we were gay after that kiss. I didn’t want a fake relationship with Tanner to be in the tabloids next.

“Wow,” said a petite brunette as she walked into the kitchen. She ran her hand along