It was a clear sign that I was a mess that I found myself oddly disappointed by her quick agreement. Disappointed and uncomfortable. She hadn’t missed how awkward Lucian and I were in each other’s presence. It was awful to think she might have thought I hurt him and wanted me to get as far away from her grandson as possible.
I stood on legs that weren’t as steady as I’d like. “I’ll see you in a few days.”
On impulse, I leaned down and kissed her soft cheek, which smelled of Chanel N°5. “Thank you for everything, Amalie.”
She petted my arm. “Ah, my dear girl, thank you for coming here. Do what you must. And we’ll see you soon.”
I made it all the way to the doors that led to the terrace, when her next words stopped me. “Just remember, it doesn’t matter how far you go; you’ll always be where your heart is.”
The words hit like darts, and I closed my eyes briefly, my back to her. My heart was in my chest. Right where it belonged, damn it. I would repeat that until I believed it.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
Lucian
“You’ve stopped blinking,” Brommy said, cutting into my thoughts. “And it’s creepy.”
We sat on loungers, drinking beers by the pool as the sun set. At some point, I’d stopped listening to Brommy’s rambling conversation and, apparently, stopped blinking.
I turned my gaze from the water and cut him a glare. “Yeah, well, it’s creepy that you’ve been looking at me long enough to tell.”
He snorted, then took a pull of his beer. “Dude, I’ve been talking for ten minutes without a real response from you. At one point, I even asked if you preferred waxing to shaving.”
I paused in the act of taking a drink. “Did I answer?”
“You grunted.” He huffed and set his beer down on the flagstones. “What’s up, Ozzy? You’re in a worse mood than ever. No, scratch that. You’re in a void. A weird-ass void, and it’s freaking me out.”
It was the real worry he tried and failed to hide that had me answering instead of grunting again. “I’m just off today.”
Off. That was a nice way of putting it. Off. Not decimated.
Seeing Emma this morning had cut me to the quick. I’d thought I could handle it. That I’d be able to face her with the same detachment with which I faced most of my life now. What a joke.
I’d taken one look at her, and all the breath had left my lungs. I’d gone totally blank, not knowing what to say or do. She’d sat on that couch, every inch of her so unearthly beautiful it hurt to look at her, every inch of her remote and blocked off. Gone was the cheeky smile in those dark-blue eyes. Gone was any sense of familiarity. It felt like I’d lost a limb.
And I knew that I’d miscalculated. Badly.
I hadn’t saved myself from potential heartbreak. I was already gone on this woman.
“She didn’t eat my breakfast.”
“What?” Brommy wrinkled his brow in confusion.
Shit. I’d said that out loud. I rubbed the aching spot in the center of my chest. I knew my heart was there. I could feel each pained beat. But it still felt cold and empty.
“Emma,” I ground out. Hell, even saying her name hurt. “She refused breakfast.”
Brommy sat a little straighter. “You’re making the breakfasts here?”
An aggrieved snarl broke from my throat. “Who did you think was doing it?” The man had seen me bake. For fuck’s sake, I’d baked for the guys all the time. There’d been a two-year period when they’d called me Cake, which had not been fun.
Brommy shrugged weakly. “I actually didn’t think about it.”
I experienced a moment’s discomfort, wondering if it was pathetic that I’d been cooking and baking for everyone. I wouldn’t have done it last year. Oh, I would still have baked; it relaxed me. But I wouldn’t have made it my job to feed everyone day in and day out for every meal.
But now, it was something to keep my mind sharp and off things best ignored. Unfortunately, that did not work when it came to Emma. I thought of her every second I made her breakfast. Put all my remorse and hopes that she was all right into it.
And she’d sent it back untouched.
I rubbed my chest again. It was my own damn fault.
Brommy’s lounge chair squeaked as he turned more my way. “Okay, let me get this straight. You’re glaring into the deep