dead. If she hadn’t had a daughter, maybe some rich guy would have come along and married her, and given her back the lifestyle she was used to having.” Jolene realized she’d only packed the feelings away, putting them in a place where she could forget them. Talking about them brought back the hurt, and yet at the same time, she felt like she was letting go of some of it.
“Are you over it, even yet?” Tucker asked.
“I don’t think you ever get over it, but you can get through it.” Jolene could hear the hollowness in her voice and hoped that she was finally ready to get through it.
“What’s the first step?”
“Get up in the morning and make the decision to take a step forward instead of two backward for that day. Let go of the guilt, and stop feeling sorry for yourself. Don’t let the what-ifs drive you crazy, because they will if you let them. I’m speaking from experience. Some days it’s still all I can do to stay positive.”
He started on a third slice of cinnamon toast. “You didn’t mention the step of not getting falling-down drunk.”
“That’s a by-product of the guilt and taking backward steps instead of forward ones,” she told him.
“What was your by-product?”
“Trying to find someone to love me. Making bad choices in men. Settling into a rut instead of working to better myself,” she admitted out loud, and even that relieved part of the heavy burden of guilt.
“Want to elaborate?” He picked up another piece of toast.
“Number one and two are pretty much the same answer. I needed to be loved for me, just the way I am, not the way someone wanted me to be. Mama wanted me to be a social butterfly, but I’m not. Johnny Ray wanted me to be a party girl, and I’m not. I worked in the same bar for the same grumpy old boss for ten years. In that time, I could have taken online courses and done something better with my life. But . . .” She paused.
He raked his hands through his hair. “But our choices, whatever and however bad they were, have brought us to this point in our lives. And who knows? Maybe we need each other to take all those steps you talked about. I damn sure know I need help.”
She held out her hand. “Friends help friends.”
He took it in his, but instead of shaking it, he brought it to his lips. “I’m glad that we’re friends, Jolene. It’s been a long time since I cared about anyone, since I felt like I needed anyone, or gave a damn what anyone thought about my lifestyle. But after this past week, I figured out that I like having a friend.”
“Me, too.” She blinked back the tears.
It turned out that Flossie lived right at the north edge of Jefferson on two acres of land. As Jolene and Tucker walked up the eight steps from the ground to the wide porch with its four huge columns, she could imagine Flossie, Sugar, Lucy, and Dotty as little girls sitting on a quilt and playing with dolls over there at one end.
She wondered what her life would have been like if her grandmother Victoria hadn’t taken Elaine away from Jefferson. Would Elaine have married someone local and been a different person? Would she have had friends to play on the porch with her? Jolene had kept her childhood friends until her father died, but they’d drifted away when she and her mother had to move to a trailer park. After that, she didn’t have time for friends, and besides, she could never invite people to her house anyway—not with Elaine’s problems.
It startled her when Flossie threw open the door. “I thought I heard someone knocking, but it takes me a minute to get from the back of the house. Sorry I kept y’all waiting. Come right in and make yourselves at home.”
Jolene and Tucker followed her and Flossie into the house and into a huge living room with a fireplace alight at one end.
“Y’all go on and have a seat. I’ve just got a couple of little things to do,” Flossie said.
“Can I help?” Jolene asked.
“Nope. Got it under control,” Flossie answered.
Jolene started to remove her coat, but Tucker was instantly behind her, helping her. He tossed both his and hers on a rocking chair and warmed his hands by the blaze in the fireplace.
Jolene waited for some emotion to overtake her, but nothing