The Ghertun have them…but I am going to get them back, I added to myself.
Suddenly, I drew up short when I saw a flash of grey skin among another group of laughing children. My lips parted when I saw a young Killup, running and playing with them.
“There are Killup among the horde?” I asked softly, in wonderment. “But I haven’t seen any.”
“Bissa?” Lokkaru asked, following my gaze. “Nik, only him. The Vorakkar found him. He had only been days old at the time.”
“The Vorakkar found him?”
“Lysi,” Lokkaru told me and I wondered if she should have told me the Killup’s given name or not. She had a habit of doing that. Giving me names of Dakkari I knew were not mine to know. “The Vorakkar used to wander. Almost every night, into the wild lands. Not so much anymore.”
My heart ached, just thinking about him wandering. Alone. Because I knew what he’d been looking for. Or what he’d been trying to escape.
Devina’s face flashed into my mind, her lips forming the words I heard floating through my ears.
Help him.
I squeezed my eyes shut briefly, my heartbeat stuttering in my chest.
“He found Bissa one night. Abandoned. Near here actually. We were in the eastlands then. He brought him back and a Dakkari couple, who had been unable to have children of their own, wanted him. They’ve raised him.”
I watched the young boy, watched as the gills on his neck flared with his happiness as the children chased one another.
“If the Vorakkar hadn’t found him, he would be dead,” Lokkaru said, her voice somber. “What a tragedy that would have been. Many outside the horde think our Vorakkar is cruel. That he deals with demons and is not fit to lead. But I disagree. I think he is the best Vorakkar of them all. The strongest. They just do not understand him.”
Warmth bloomed in my chest, which helped banish some of the lingering anguish I still felt whenever I thought of Devina. It had been two nights since I’d dreamed of her. After I’d woken and I’d latched onto Davik, needing him, I hadn’t slept. Even today, I felt the lingering exhaustion pulling at the edges of my mind.
“You understand him though,” Lokkaru said quietly and when I turned my gaze on her, I found her eyes on me, staring deep. “Don’t you?”
“I do,” I whispered. And I knew what she spoke was the truth. Softly, I admitted, “He terrified me when I first met him. Sometimes he still does but in a different way. But I know that he is good.”
Lokkaru nodded, seeming satisfied with whatever she found in my words.
I realized she was steady today, that she was alert. And as we resumed making our loop around the encampment, as our feet crunched over the earth and the rich fragrance of the soil drifted up to meet us, I realized that I could not pass up this opportunity.
My daydream might be foolish and an impossibility, but if I didn’t find that heartstone—no matter how much I hated to think of it—I knew that my family and I had no future anywhere.
The key to finding it was buried somewhere in Lokkaru’s mind. If only I could find it.
“I miss my mother,” I told her. “And my father. My mother loved him dearly and he adored her. Growing up, I always wanted a love like that. I didn’t think I’d settle for anything less.”
I glanced over at her with a small, sad smile.
“Did your parents love each other?” I tried.
“Oh lysi,” Lokkaru whispered and I swallowed, keeping my breathing steady. “Very much. I never knew my father but my lomma loved him. I could tell from her words. How she spoke about him. I wish I’d known him. Sometimes he visits me, though he cannot speak.”
Chills raced down my arms. “How do you see him?”
“In dreams, like always,” she said, smiling at me like we shared a secret.
“And what does he do if he doesn’t speak to you?” I asked.
“He looks at me,” she said. “And he strokes my cheek. I have his eyes. One day soon, I will be able to speak with him, to say all the things I wish I could.”
Her words made my chest ache.
“My father doesn’t visit me in my dreams,” I said. “I wish he did. Usually, I don’t dream of anything. Nothing at all, just darkness.”
Lokkaru let out a long sigh.
“Does your mother ever visit you?” I asked. “In your dreams?”