she was taken care of did he start a quick fire, which made the clearing burst into golden light, flickering off the tall rocks and fat boulders that shielded us from most of the night winds.
Throughout the day, he’d made sure I ate the dried rations he gave me and drank water from a skin. I wasn’t all that hungry now but when he drew close with the water skin, I accepted it gratefully and tipped it up, taking a healthy swallow of it.
“You should have said you were hurting,” he rasped, watching me drink. He had something cradled in the palm of his hand. He held it up when he saw me looking at it. “Uudun. This will help.”
Before I could question him, he was kneeling at my side and I tensed when he dragged up the tunic, baring my buttocks and reddened thighs. It was still cold, even with the rocks as a barrier against the harsh plain nights. A strong shiver racked my body, a breeze curling up my tunic, chilling my neck.
He didn’t ask for permission. Instead, he opened the jar, something slippery and green inside, dipped his fingers in and pressed them to the backs of my thighs.
My eyes watered when it stung. My legs twitched against the sharpness of the pain, but otherwise I forced myself to lie still. He applied more and more. The salve was cold but after the initial sting, my skin began to tingle. Then, miraculously, the pain began to melt away.
But as the pain lessened, I became more and more aware of his hands on me, so close to the sparse white curls that shielded my sex. He moved from the backs of my thighs to my inner thighs, where the flesh was most tender and sore. And after the initial teeth-gritting sting, the pain there lessened as well, though there was still the sensation of heat, of something unwell.
I sucked in a breath when one of his claws brushed my sex and my spine stiffened.
He paused before making a sound in the back of his throat.
“I am not so much of a monster that I will fuck you when you are in pain, leikavi,” he rasped.
His words did nothing to settle the sudden fear in my belly.
“You do not trust me?” he questioned. I got the sense that he was mocking me with his tone, as if he knew that, of course, I didn’t trust him. No one in their right mind would.
“I—I don’t know what to make of you,” I found myself saying.
“Neffar?”
“Sometimes, you can be kind in your own way. Other times, you are deliberately terrifying, like you want me to be frightened of you,” I whispered, pressing my cheek into the fur.
I sensed him moving and then he was kneeling in front of me. His claws curled under my chin, lifting my gaze to meet his.
“You should always be fearful of me, kalles,” he said gently, softly, like he was speaking to me like I was his lover, not the messenger of his enemy. “Because sometimes, I do not know what I will do. And when I get into states like that, no one can stop me. I am not kind. Do not think of me as such again.”
I swallowed audibly at the unspoken threat in his words.
What does he mean? I wondered but was too scared to ask. I didn’t think I wanted to know. The others called him the Mad Horde King for a reason, didn’t they?
He released my chin and went to stoke the fire, burning brightly in the golden basin, returning the uudun jar to the travel sack.
“Are you hungry?” he asked next, his voice still gentle.
I pressed my lips together. He’d tended to my wounds, then he threatened me, and now he wanted to feed me?
“No,” I whispered, closing my eyes, overwhelmed.
“Then sleep,” he commanded gruffly. “Veekor.”
Sleep was a welcome reprieve. I could escape him for a moment, escape this terrible, terrible world. Perhaps I would dream of my father, of our happy times instead of his death. Perhaps I would dream of my grandmother, of Maman, of my siblings.
Please keep them safe until I return, I pleaded.
But whom my prayer was directed to, I knew not. Maybe Kakkari. She’d helped the horde warrior and his pregnant wife after all. And I would gladly pay a price if it meant my family was safe.