Dani had moved to stand opposite him as he spoke and now leaned weakly back against the stall she'd stopped in front of. His words swam around inside her head, carrying vivid images. And then she began to shake her head, her voice bewildered as she said, "But he risked being caught to save Steph and me. And he used to be one of you. Are you sure he-?"
"Yes." Decker rubbed the back of his neck wearily. "I was the one who caught him afterward. Her blood was all over him, even still coating his teeth and tongue."
Dani felt her heart sink at this news and shook her head with bewilderment. "Why did he do it?"
Decker shrugged unhappily. "His life mate died in a car accident a couple weeks before. They hadn't been together long, and she was pregnant. I think he just went crazy. Everyone knew he was in a bad way, and we all tried to help, but he was so damned bitter and angry-" Decker shook his head. "He locked us all out of his life. He stopped working as an enforcer, wouldn't see anyone..." He paused and then admitted, "Nicholas is my cousin on my mother's side. His father, Armand, is her brother. Nicholas was also my partner before it all happened, and despite the age difference we were good friends as well as cousins. I went to his house that day to try to get him to go out. I knocked, but got no answer and nearly left, and then I heard a woman's scream."
Decker grimaced and admitted, "I was stupid enough to try knocking again before deciding to break down the door or I might have been in time to save her. I just never imagined..."
Dani moved to his side, drawn by the guilt and pain reflected on his face. But once there, she had no idea what she could do to soothe him and merely raised her hand to rest it on his crossed arms, offering silent comfort.
It seemed to be enough. Decker took a deep breath, blew it out, and then continued almost mechanically, "I broke down the door, but by the time I found them in the basement it was too late. Nicholas was sitting on the floor with her lying across his lap and-as I said-her blood was all over him."
"I see," Dani said quietly, watching his face. It seemed obvious Decker blamed himself for Barbara Johnson's death, as well as what it had done to her child, father, husband, and mother. The very fact that he knew so much about the family told her that.
Decker, Dani realized, had taken on the responsibility for what Nicholas had done, much as she had been blaming herself for her and Stephanie being kidnapped.
"None of it was your fault," Dani said firmly, wanting to help him see that just as he had helped her. "Nicholas is the one who-"
"I let him go," Decker interrupted.
She stiffened. "What?"
"I let Nicholas go," he repeated. "When I saw what he'd done, I just turned right around and said I was going upstairs to call Lucian. When I got back downstairs he was gone."
"You were probably in shock. You didn't mean to-"
"Didn't I?" Decker interrupted grimly.
Dani raised her eyebrows and asked solemnly, "Did you?"
He turned his face away and admitted, "I've spent fifty years trying to figure that one out." Decker pushed himself away from the stall and paced, adding, "At the time, I didn't know who Barbara was or what had happened. She was just a strange dead woman in his arms. Nicholas was my cousin. He'd been like a big brother when I first moved here from Europe, putting me up, helping me find a place and settle in. He was the one who showed me the ropes when I became an enforcer. Maybe some part of me did know he'd run... and let him."
Dani shook her head. "You're second-guessing your motives, Decker, when the truth is, there might not have been any. If you thought that highly of him, you had to have been in shock over what he'd done. Anyone would be."
"But-"
"And even if you weren't, even if you did know he would run, it doesn't make you responsible for the deaths of Barbara Johnson, her child, husband, or parents. That deed was down to Nicholas, and it was done before you got to him. You aren't responsible for those deaths."
"And what about the mortals he may have killed since then?" Decker asked quietly.
Dani hesitated, a frown claiming her lips. She didn't really believe Decker had intentionally let Nicholas go. She suspected he just felt so guilty the man had escaped that he was blaming himself for all of it. She understood that, but it didn't make it right. The only one responsible for anything Nicholas had done that day and since was Nicholas himself.
"And what about those women in the ravine and your sister?" Decker added, drawing her from her thoughts. "What if Nicholas was running with that group and just claimed to be hunting them to get the opportunity to escape?"
Dani immediately began to shake her head. "I don't know what happened that day when he killed Barbara. Maybe he snapped, maybe he ripped her throat out, but I still don't believe the man I talked to on the phone was running with those animals, or had anything to do with our being kidnapped and taken. He led you to us, Decker," she said almost pleadingly. "He helped save me, and chased after the rogue when he took my sister. I have to believe that... It's all I've got to hang on to."
Decker sighed, his shoulders sagging under the weight of a guilt she knew she couldn't remove. It would be a monkey on his back until he caught his cousin, or perhaps even until he died.
"Right," he said wearily, moving past her to head out into the open area. "I guess we should head back to the house."
Dani followed slowly. There was no reason to avoid him anymore. He'd told her what she'd tried so hard to avoid hearing. They might as well go back to the house. Perhaps once there she could persuade him to sleep, she thought, and then noticed that he'd stopped in the open door and was peering out with a frown. That was when she became aware of the steady ping of rain on the metal roof overhead. She'd been so caught up in their conversation and her own thoughts that she hadn't noticed it when it started. Now she wondered how long it had been coming down.
"We're going to have to make a run for it," Decker said as she reached his side. "I think it's about to really pour."
Dani nodded and took the hand he offered her, and then glanced up wide-eyed as the steady ping suddenly turned into a loud drumming. She turned her gaze out the door to see that it was now almost as dark as night outside, and that the rain was coming down in sheets.
"Maybe we should wait until it slows down again," she suggested.