“Where have you been?” I push from the vanity and raise a hand, sliding a palm over his cheek, stroking his prickly stubble with my thumb.
He tilts his face into my touch. “You trying to keep tabs on me already?”
“No. I—”
“It doesn’t matter where I was, shorty. I’m here now.”
I ignore the twinge of rejection.
He doesn’t want me clued in, and I have to be okay with that.
I won’t demand his secrets again. For once, it seems my savior needs saving and I want to take that role. “You’re exhausted. It’s my turn to look after you.”
His grin is subtle. Half-hearted, yet so unbelievably handsome.
I inch closer, placing my lips to his, facing another fear as I taste the liquor on his tongue.
He groans into the connection, his hands tangling into the shirt at my hips before he pulls back. “I should sleep in another room.”
“Why?” My hand falls to my side.
“I can’t do this tonight, Pen.”
My heart tears. Fractures. “Do what? Be around me?”
He cringes. “The world is fucking crumbling, and I can’t think clearly. I’ve got no restraint. I shouldn’t have started drinking.”
“You’re not a monster, Luca. You don’t need restraint.”
“No. You—”
“No.” I counter, more adamant. “This shouldn’t be one-sided. You can’t be the strong one all the time. I need you to need me. I need you to want me.”
He closes his eyes and rests his head against mine. “I’ve always fucking wanted you.”
I feel those words, the agonizing admission sinking into my marrow. I can’t stop myself from sliding my hands around his waist to pull him farther into me. Body to body. Hip to hip.
I freeze as the hard length of his shaft presses against my pubic bone. I clasp my lips tight, holding the gasp inside my throat.
I shouldn’t be shocked… but I am.
I shouldn’t be scared… yet there’s some of that, too.
“It kills me every time you tense at my touch,” he murmurs. “That’s why I don’t like doing it. I fucking hate hurting you.”
“It’s muscle memory. Or habit.” I slide my hands over his chest to his face. “It won’t last forever.”
“Maybe not, but I’d prefer to give you space until it’s gone.” He attempts to pull away again, but I hold tight, clamping his jaw in my hands.
“You need to stop seeing intimacy as my biggest hurdle when being like this is my greatest reward. This isn’t comparable to what I went through with Luther. What he did was vicious and cruel. But this…” I shake my head, frantically searching for the words to explain. “This is hope and optimism. It’s kindness and consideration. It bears no resemblance to my nightmares.”
“I get it—”
“No, let me finish.” I implore him with my eyes. “Trying new things might bring up bad memories, but you don’t. You wipe it all away. You’re my prize, Luca. Please let me enjoy it.”
He huffs out a laugh, the sound lacking happiness.
“You don’t believe me?” I grab his hands and guide them to my hips. “Why is it so hard for you to understand that with each touch, each kiss, you help to make me feel normal?”
“Because you’ll never be normal, shorty. Never. You’re too remarkable to be mainstream.”
My heart clenches. Hard. Tight. Punishing.
He keeps strengthening me. Over and over. Constantly making me a little more emboldened with every roughly grated compliment.
“Have I told you how happy I am that you found me?” I run my arms around his neck and brush my mouth over his.
A rumble emanates from his throat, his fingertips tightening on my hips. He kisses me. Gentle. Soulful.
But all too soon he breaks the spell, pulling away to rest his forehead against mine. “There’s something you should know.”
I lean back, seeing the emotion in his eyes differently than I had before. I was wrong. It isn’t exhaustion. It’s sorrow.
My heart clogs my throat. “Something else has happened, hasn’t it?”
He nods. “Torian told me—”
“Wait.” I place a finger to his lips. “Are Tobias and Sebastian safe?”
He winces. “Yeah, they are, but—”
“No. Don’t say it,” I beg. “Whatever it is, don’t tell me. Not tonight. Don’t steal me away from being here with you.” I hold his gaze as I swallow over the lump in my throat. “Please just let me have this moment.”
He remains rigid, his muscles locked tight.
“Please.” I shuffle closer, not sure how else to convince him not to ruin this.