But I’m walking from the adjoining bathroom, a towel around my waist, ruffling the water from my hair with my hand when I notice her in the doorway to my bedroom.
Just like I predicted, I’m hit with a tidal wave of shit I shouldn’t be thinking, shouldn’t be feeling. It doesn’t help that she’s wearing nothing but an oversized T-shirt, the material hanging loose at mid-thigh, her hair damp over one shoulder.
“How was your shower?” I start for my bedside table and pull open the top drawer to grab a fresh pair of boxers.
“Good.” She watches me, her attention never straying as she leans against the doorframe.
“Are you calling it a night? I’m ready to crash like you wouldn’t believe.”
“I actually hoped to finish our conversation from earlier.”
Shit. “It can’t wait until morning?” I tug the boxers on underneath my towel. “What else did you want to discuss?”
I don’t like her in here. In my room. In such close proximity to my bed. She’s too seductive and doesn’t even realize it.
“I still have questions.” She moves from the doorway, approaching me. “Is that okay?”
I close the drawer harder than necessary. “What sort of questions?”
“I want to know if you slept with her.”
I straighten, my muscles tight as I untangle the towel from my waist. “No. I didn’t have sex with her.”
“Did you kiss her?”
My chest tightens, hating these questions, hating even more that her expression is pained while asking them. “No, Pen. I didn’t touch her.”
She sucks in a breath, standing taller. “Would you have gone through with it if I hadn’t run away?”
This time, my answer doesn’t come as quick. I don’t want to lie to her. I don’t want to hurt her either. Neither option is favorable. “I don’t know.”
She winces and glances away, focusing across the other side of the room.
“I needed to,” I continue. “Didn’t mean I wanted to.”
“Why?” The question is uttered softly. She’s so fragile and fucking innocent. “Why did you need to?”
“You know why, shorty.”
“No, I don’t.” She turns back to me, her brow furrowed. “Is it because you think you’re capable of forcing me? Raping me? Is that why you have to let off steam with someone else?”
“What? No.”
Fuck.
I drop the towel and cross the room to stand in front of her. “I’m fucking scared of manipulating you without even being aware of it. Hell, I’ve already done it twice.”
“How? You’ve never manipulated me.”
“I did when you kissed me the first time. You were in the middle of a panic attack. It was my job to hold you in check and I fucking failed. I did it again tonight. You would’ve been flying high on adrenaline when you got home. What happened in your bedroom was a mistake.”
“Don’t say that.” She winces. “Don’t even think it, because it makes me sound weak.”
“You telling me you’re strong, shorty?” I inch closer, unable to refrain from placing a hand on her waist. “Haven’t we been having this argument for weeks?”
Her chin hikes up, her eyes narrowing. “I’m strong in some things, smart ass. And you’re one of them. Everything else is static.”
I chuckle, unsure whether I should be humbled or panicked.
“You make me feel alive, Luca.” She places a hand on my chest, nestling her body closer. “I want to feel that way more often.”
Panic was the right option. Pure panic.
“I’m glad you feel that way.” I step back, well aware any brush of her against my hardening dick will be a bad idea. “But space is a good thing, too. Some pretty crazy shit happened tonight. You need time to let it sink in. You should get to bed and rest on it.”
She raises a brow. “Which side?”
“Which side of what?”
“Your bed. Which side am I sleeping on?”
Oh, no.
Oh, hell no.
“Tap the fucking brakes, shorty, and back up the truck. You’re not sleeping in here.”
“But I went through some pretty crazy shit tonight,” she mocks me. “I don’t want to sleep on my own.”
“You’re hilarious.” I walk for the door, hoping she’ll follow. “Come on, get your ass to bed.”
She looks at me in defeat. “Luc, please. I want to stay here.”
The way she says my name. The sorrow. The plea. When she wraps her arms around her middle in a blatant show of vulnerability I’m entirely done for.
Doesn’t she know this is what I’ve battled all along? That this is where I’ve wanted her from the first day we met?