I’ve had it bear down on me from men who left scars that will never heal. But the fear doesn’t breach the betrayal spurring my pulse harder. What Hunter could do to me is nothing in comparison to what Luca has already done.
That pain is far greater. Ten times deeper.
“I’m sorry.” I shift into drive and press my foot down, screeching the tires as the car propels forward.
I ignore the thunder of Hunter’s fist against the side of the car. I push back the internal voice telling me to stop. I drown out the fear of the outside world that barrels down on me and drive, and drive, and drive, passing unfamiliar streets and houses.
Each mile spurs my pulse higher, makes my thoughts more punishing.
I need to get out of here.
Out of Portland.
Out of Oregon.
All I need now is money… and I know just how to get it.
13
Luca
“Do you use the dating app often?” The blonde seated before me leans forward, her tits plumped, her ruby lips set in a coy curve.
“No. Never.” I look away, focusing on anything but her cleavage as the waitress places our drinks on the table—mine a beer, hers some colorful cocktail covered in fruit.
“You’re not much of a talker, are you?” Her knee brushes mine under the table. Once. Twice.
I don’t enjoy the connection.
“Not usually.” I swipe at my beer and throw back a gulp. “Small talk isn’t my thing.”
“We don’t have to talk. Why don’t we skip dinner and get out of here?”
I take another mouthful. Continue to avert my gaze.
I should be jumping at the chance to get laid. That’s why I’m here. I can’t keep walking around the house drowning in lust, my dick constantly at attention.
Penny worked her way so far under my skin I can’t catch a fucking breath through my need to have her.
Banging out the obsession with another woman is the only option. Yet, here I am, sitting before a sure thing, stalling for reasons unknown.
“Okay. I guess we’re staying.” The woman sips from her straw. “Why don’t you tell me about yourself?”
“You first.” I hate this. Not just the small talk—the fucking pathetic hesitation.
I should take this woman to the restrooms. Fuck Penny from my system in a filthy bathroom stall. Then get home.
I should.
I just can’t bring myself to do it. Not yet. I need to wait until the hum of liquor dulls the doubt.
“Tell me where you work.” I throw back another gulp and force myself to meet her gaze. “What do you do for a living, Rebecca?”
“Rachel,” she corrects.
Shit.
I’m screwing this up. She’ll cut and run soon, and I’ll be left to head home and jerk off in the shower every five fucking minutes just to dull the edge while my obsession sleeps in a nearby room.
“Sorry.” I raise my beer and glance over my shoulder, wordlessly letting the waitress know I need another drink. “Tell me, Rachel. What do you do for work?”
She’s a stunner. Light blue eyes. Short, pixie hair. Blinding smile.
She’s bright and chipper. The opposite of my current obsession, which is why I swiped right. There can’t be anything to remind me of where I want to be.
“There’s nothing super exciting to tell.” She sits taller, her knee continuing to rub mine. “I’m a medical receptionist at a clinic a few blocks from here. It isn’t a career as such, but it pays the bills. What about you?”
I think about the possible answers I could give. All the crime and destruction. The blood and death. It’s a temporary distraction for two point five seconds before my mind scampers back to Penny.
I never should’ve left her. Not when we hadn’t discussed the situation first. She could be scared without me. Fucking petrified. But I’d been desperate. Thoughts of that kiss lash brutal blows at my restraint. I’ve been beside myself. Itching to get out of my own skin, all because of my need to have her.
“You look like a security guard.” The woman fills the silence. “I can see the outline of your muscles through your shirt.”
Christ.
I can’t even deal with the flirtation. How the hell will I react to her naked?
This was meant to be a hookup. A quick fuck. But I’m the one who couldn’t bring myself to meet at a hotel, instead suggesting a dinner date. As if being with someone behind Penny’s back was more excusable if I bought the woman a meal first.