Only the knowledge didn’t prepare me for the consuming reality.
“I appreciate your honesty.” I push to my feet and make for the door, needing to escape before my anger shows.
“Penny, wait.” He follows. “It’s only temporary.”
Lies. All lies.
“Once you’re back on your feet,” he continues, “you two can catch up.”
I keep walking, keep striding out the distance to the sanctuary of my room.
“Penny, stop,” he demands.
I don’t. I reach the bedroom and slam the door behind me.
“Jesus fucking Christ.” He speaks through the barrier between us. “This isn’t permanent. Every time you speak to Toby, he gets depressed. He’s not coping with how you’re acting, and who can blame him? In Greece, you were a force to be reckoned with. You led him and he looked up to you because of that. Now, whenever you talk to him, it’s a two-minute, one-sided conversation. You can’t expect him not to be affected by that.”
Guilt slams into me. Hard.
He’s right. I barely talk to Toby and our conversations are always short. I’m well aware of how toxic I am in this current state. I’d been getting better, though. With Luca’s help, I’ve been improving. I just haven’t spoken to Toby recently for him to hear the change. Doesn’t stop me from being livid though.
Cole Torian has no right making decisions for Tobias. No right at all. He barely knows the boy.
“Penny?” There’s a thump against the door and I picture Luca’s heavy fist weighed against the wood. “Talk to me.”
“There’s nothing to talk about.” I collapse onto the bed. “Maybe you’re right. He’s better off without me.”
Another curse drifts from the hall, then he opens the door. “Don’t go back to the place you were in a few days ago.” His voice is harsh as he glares. “Not when we were finally starting to get a handle on this.”
“There is no we, Luca. And there is definitely no ‘handle on this.’”
“Like hell there isn’t.” His glare increases. “Quit the pity party. I promise this is temporary. I wouldn’t stand for it otherwise.”
I look away, my hands clenched into fists. Tobias deserves better. If only these decisions didn’t make me feel completely worthless.
“Like I said,” I mutter, “I appreciate your honesty.”
He sighs and walks forward to crouch at my feet. The strength of his attention calls to me. His energy does, too. “Look at me, shorty.”
I don’t. I can’t.
“Penny,” he growls.
I close my eyes, letting the strength of defiance brush my senses before I finally surrender. Denying him is hopeless. I’m hurt and frustrated and mad as hell. Yet, I can’t stand the thought of Luca feeling that way toward me. “What?”
“This is temporary. You’ll see Tobias soon. I promise.”
I’ve never wanted to trust him, but my heart always has. The pained organ finds comfort in his words.
“And there was more to the conversation with Torian,” he adds. “It’s good news this time. My brother is returning one of your friends to their family today.”
“Who?” The question slips out with a shallow wave of relief. “When?”
He shrugs and pushes to his feet. “I don’t know. But I can find out.”
“No. It doesn’t matter. I’m thankful regardless.”
He gives a sad smile. “I thought you might be. Do you want me to call Benji so you can speak to them?”
I’ve yearned to speak to my sisters since we were separated in Greece. The only difference between Tobias and those women is that with them, I’ve had the strength to keep my distance, knowing I’d be a negative addition to their recovery. They are together. All three of them left the Greek Islands to return home. They had each other’s support. They didn’t need me hindering their bright future. “No.”
“You don’t have to use my phone. I can finally set up the new cell I gave you.”
“No. It’s better if I don’t.”
He closes his mouth, his lips pressing tighter the longer I remain firm until he says, “I disagree. I’ll go get the phone.”
“I said no.” I slide from the bed. “Torian is right. I’m a negative influence. It’s best if we don’t speak.”
“But they need you.”
“They need the old me,” I grate. “They need the maternal figure who kept them alive. The person who continuously battled for our survival. That’s not me anymore.”
“Yes, it is. You’re—”
“No, Luca. Listen. I’m not that person. I can’t help anyone. I can barely help myself.”
His eyes harden, the flare of his nostrils feral. “You’re not giving up because of him. I won’t allow