"Why do you... Oh, no, Rehvenge is my brother. Not my mate."
Those big shoulders eased up. But then he frowned. "Have you ever?"
"Had a mate? For a little while I did. But things didn't work out."
"Why?"
"Because of my brother." She paused. "Actually, that's not true. But when the male couldn't stand up to Rehv, I lost a lot of respect for him. And then... then the guy let the details of our relationship out to the glymera and things got... complicated."
Actually, they got awful. The male's reputation had stayed intact, of course, whereas hers got shredded to pieces. Maybe that was why she was so attracted to Zsadist. He didn't care what anyone thought of him. There was no subterfuge, no courtly manners to hide his thoughts and instincts. He was honest, and that candor, even if it just served to reveal his anger, made it safe to trust him.
"Were you two..." His voice trailed off.
"Were we what?"
"Lovers?" In a harsh rush, Zsadist cursed. "Never mind, that's none of my - "
"Ah, yes, we were, Rehv found out, and that was when the problems started. You know how the aristocracy is. A female who lays with someone she's not mated to? You'd swear she was tainted for life. I mean, I've always wished I'd been born a civilian. But you can't opt out of your bloodline, can you?"
"Did you love the male?"
"I thought so. But... no." She thought of the skull next to Zsadist's pallet. "Have you ever been in love?"
The corner of his mouth lifted into a snarl. "What the fuck do you think?"
As she recoiled, he closed his eyes. "Sorry. I mean, no. That would be no."
So why did he keep that skull? Whose was it? She was about to ask when he cut the question off. "Your brother thinks he's going after that lesser?"
"Undoubtedly. Rehvenge is... Well, he's been head of my household since my father died when I was very young, and Rehv is very aggressive. Extremely so."
"Well, you tell him to sit tight. I'm going to ahvenge you."
Her eyes shot to Zsadist's. "No."
"Yes."
"But I don't want you to." She couldn't live with herself if he got killed in the process.
"And I can't stop myself." He squeezed his eyes shut. "Christ... I can't breathe for knowing that bastard is out there. He has to die."
Fear and gratitude and something altogether warm squeezed her chest. On impulse, she leaned in and kissed him on the lips.
He jerked back with a hiss, eyes wider than if she'd slapped him.
Oh, hell. Why had she done that? "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I - "
"No, it's cool. We're cool." He rolled onto his back and lifted his hand to his mouth. His fingers rubbed back and forth across his lips, like he was wiping her off him.
When she sighed good and hard, he said, "What's the matter?"
"Am I so distasteful?"
He dropped his arm. "No."
What a lie. "Maybe I'll get you a washcloth, how about that?"
When she would have shot out of bed, his hand clamped on her arm. "That was my first kiss, okay? I just didn't expect it."
Bella stopped breathing. How was that possible?
"Oh, for chrissakes, don't look at me like that." He let go and went back to staring at the ceiling.
His first kiss... "Zsadist?"
"What."
"Will you let me do that again?"
There was a long, long pause. She inched over to him, pushing her body through the sheets and blankets.
"I won't touch you anywhere else. Just my lips. On yours."
Turn your head, she willed him. Turn your head and look at me.
And then he did.
She didn't wait for an engraved invitation or for him to change his mind. She pressed her lips to his lightly, then hovered over his mouth. When he stayed where he was, she dipped down again and this time stroked at him. His breath sucked in.
"Zsadist?"
"Yes," he whispered.
"Relax your mouth for me."
Careful not to crowd him, she propped herself up on her forearms and got in close again. His lips were shockingly soft except for where the upper one was scarred. To make sure he knew the imperfection didn't matter to her, she deliberately attended to that place, returning there again and again.
And then it happened: He kissed her back. It was just the slightest movement of his mouth, but she felt it all the way to her core. When he did it again, she praised him by moaning a little and letting him take the lead.