"I know, and I knew it when I made you hit me until I bled. That I fed off your misery was the crudest part. I'm never going to ask you to do that again."
Phury's bare chest rose and fell. "I'd rather it be me than anyone else. So when you need it, you let me know. I'll do it."
"Christ, Phury - "
"What? It's the only way you'll let me take care of you. The only way you'll let me touch you."
Now Z was the one covering stinging eyes with a forearm. He had to cough a couple of times before speaking. "Look, no more saving me, my brother, okay? That's over now. Finished. It's time for you to let go."
There was no reply. So Z glanced over again - just as a tear slid down Phury's cheek.
"Ah... fuck," Z muttered.
"Yeah. Pretty much." Another tear rolled out of Phury's eye. "God... damn. I'm leaking."
"Okay, brace yourself."
Phury scrubbed his face with his palms. "Why?"
"Because... I think I'm going to try to hug you."
Phury's hands dropped and he looked over with an absurd expression.
Feeling like an utter ass, Z pushed himself over to his twin. "Lift up your head, damn it." Phury craned his neck. Z slid his arm underneath. The two of them froze in the unnatural positions. "You know, this was a hell of a lot easier when you were out cold in the back of that truck."
"That was you?"
"You think it was Santa Claus or some shit?"
Z's hackles were rising all over the place. God... He was really exposed here. What the hell was he doing?
"I thought you were an angel," Phury said softly as he laid his head back onto Z's arm. "When you sang to me, I thought you were seeing me safely unto the Fade."
"I'm no angel." He reached up and smoothed his hand over Phury's cheek, sweeping the wetness away. Then he closed the male's eyelids with his fingertips.
"I'm tired," Phury murmured. "So... tired."
Z stared at his twin's face for what felt like the very first time. The bruises were already healing, the swelling going down, the jagged cut he'd given himself fading. What was revealed were lines of exhaustion and strain, not much of an improvement.
"You've been tired for centuries, Phury. It's time to let go of me."
"Don't think I can."
Zsadist inhaled deeply. "That night I was taken from the family... No, don't look at me. It's too... close. I can't breathe when you do... Christ, just close your eyes, okay?" Z coughed some more, little chuffing sounds that were the only reason he could speak through his tight throat. "That night, it wasn't your fault you didn't get snatched. And you can't make up for the fact that you were lucky and I wasn't. I want you to stop looking after me."
Phury's breath shuddered out of him. "Do you... do you have any idea what it felt like to see you in that cell, naked and chained and... to know what that female had done to you for so long?"
"Phury - "
"I know it all, Z. I know everything that happened to you. I heard about it from males who... had been there. Before I knew it was you that they spoke of, I heard the stories."
Zsadist swallowed, though he'd gone queasy. "I had always hoped that you didn't know. Had prayed that you - "
"So you've got to understand why I die for you every day. Your pain is mine."
"No, it isn't. Swear to me you will stop this."
"I can't."
Z closed his eyes. As they lay together, he wanted to beg for forgiveness for all the shitty things he'd done since Phury had gotten him free... and he wanted to yell at his twin for being such a damn hero. But mostly he wanted to give all those wasted years back to Phury. The male deserved so much more than he had gotten out of life.
"Well, you're giving me no alternative, then."
Phury's head jerked off Z's arm. "If you kill yourself - "
"I guess I'd better take a stab at not giving you as much to worry about."
Z felt Phury's whole body go limp. "Oh... Jesus."
"Don't know how it'll work out, though. My instincts... they've been honed for anger, you know. I'm probably always going to be a quick trigger."
"Oh, Jesus..."
"But you know, maybe I could work on that. Or something. Fuck, I don't know. Probably not."