started when I was fifteen and the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on moved in across the street. I was drawn to her instantly. One of those had-to-know-her kind of things, you know?” I tuck my hand into my pocket, trying to hide my shaking hands. “So that’s what I did. I got to know her. Forced her to be my friend is more like it. Why she took pity on the annoying-as-hell neighbor kid is beyond me, but she did.”
I grin, shaking my head at the memory.
“Anyway, so we became friends, right? And I thought, This is enough. This is all I’ll ever need to be happy. Her.”
A few people in the crowd let out a collective Aww.
“The more I got to know her, the more I liked her. Whip-smart. Funny. And, most importantly, a good human. Kind. Shy. She was like sunshine, and I was drawn to her warmth. I wanted to keep it forever. I thought I was in love with her, and I thought she loved me too. I mean, that had to be why she kept me around, right? So, I did the next logical thing—kissed her…and it turned out she did not feel the same way at all. But it was fine. I played it off as an accident and she was none the wiser. No harm, no foul.”
A few more scattered laughs.
“We stayed friends through high school. Moved away for college together. All the highs and lows of the life of a young twentysomething. Signing your first lease on a crappy apartment. Falling in love for the first time—for real. The inevitable Holy shit I hate what I went to college for, now what the fuck am I going to do moment we all have. Moving out of the crappy apartment and getting your first real nice place. All the really fun shit, you know?”
“Preach!” someone shouts.
“We were good. Golden. Best fucking friends forever. Nothing was ever going to touch us. Then she saw me naked and groped me, but that’s a story for another day.
“Something shifted between us. Something became impossibly clear. I wanted her. So, I took a page out of fifteen-year-old me’s book and I kissed her. Right here in this very bar.” I point toward the hallway. “Back there. That’s where my heart stopped beating, because this time? She kissed me back, and we didn’t stop there.”
“Yesssss!”
A whistle.
A few claps.
“What happened next?”
“I spent the last month and some change being happier than I have ever been.” I run my hand through my hair, hanging my head. “Until I fucked it all up.”
“I knew it!” someone hollers, and several people murmur their agreements, scoffing at me.
“I warned you I was an idiot,” I answer. “I screwed up and now she’s not talking to me. Shutting me out. And I get it—I deserve it. I meddled when I shouldn’t have. Disrespected her. Lied to her. But like I said at the beginning of this, I’ve been doing that for the last ten years.”
I lift my head, and I look over the crowd and right into Caroline’s eyes for the first time.
She’s staring back at me. Her blue eyes are wide, full of surprise and a little trepidation. Even from here, I can see the pink on her cheeks as everyone turns to stare at her, trying to get a peek at the girl I’m talking to.
“Accidents don’t just happen accidentally. That kiss when we were fifteen? That wasn’t an accident. I meant it. I meant it then, I mean it now. I’ve meant it for the last decade. Because, Caroline Elaine Reed”—her lips tic up when I say the wrong middle name—“I’m in love with you. Hopelessly.”
20
Caroline
I’ve been shaking since the moment Cooper took the stage.
My cheeks are on fire, and at first, I had the urge to run and hide, but I couldn’t look away from him.
I don’t think I’ve taken a full breath the entire time he’s been up there, recounting our friendship over the years. Talking about what’s happened between us. Admitting his failures for all to hear.
Cooper is in love with me.
“Holy shit,” River mutters. “I think he’s going to sing.”
I snap out of my stupor, just as the familiar licks of Olivia Newton-John’s “Hopelessly Devoted to You” begin to play.
Oh god.
He lifts the microphone to his mouth and starts the first line.
And it’s awful.
If Cooper thinks my singing sounds like three cats dying, his sounds like ten.