His words don’t make me feel any better. “What the hell were you thinking?”
I blow out an exasperated breath. “I was giving her the push her father took away.”
“And was that your call to make?”
“I just…I saw how badly she wanted to do it but was too scared. I thought of all the times she almost took control of what she genuinely wanted, and then all the times she’s backed away. I thought if I brought them along and she saw how great the truck was doing, she’d be more open to adding her stuff into the mix. Then the box was lost and…”
“You volunteered her as tribute,” he finishes. He takes a sip of his coffee, then sets the mug down. “So, what are you going to do?”
“Grovel?”
“That’s a start.” He chuckles. “Have you talked to her at all?”
“Not since the festival. She’s been…distant.”
“Can’t say I blame her.”
“Me either. It was a total dick move.”
“Look,” he says, setting his fork down. “For what it’s worth, I can see why you did what you did. I can’t say I’d do the same with River, mostly because she’d castrate me and I’m terrified of her, but I get it. I think if you explain your side, she’ll come around. And if she doesn’t, well, I guess you can sleep on our couch tonight. But don’t tell River I invited you. That’ll get me in trouble, and she’d accuse me of choosing sides. Just show up looking all pitiful and shit.”
I snort. “Thanks. I appreciate it. I just hope it doesn’t come to that.”
“For your sake and mine, neither do I. So you better sack up and tell the girl you love you’re sorry and will never do it again.”
Wait…the girl I love?
Am I in love with her?
No way. It’s too soon…isn’t it?
Then again…it’s Caroline.
Nothing with us has ever made much sense.
“Wow. You should see the fucking grin on your face right now,” Dean taunts. “I’ve seen that look before.”
“What look?”
“Love.”
“What?”
“L-O-V-E.” He nods, grinning. “Oh, yeah. You’re totally in love with her.”
I shake my head, ready to argue. “I’m—”
Totally, completely, abso-fucking-lutely in love with her.
“Oh fuck.”
He laughs. “Just now realizing it?” I nod. “Yep, been there. Sneaks up on you, huh?”
I’m not some hopeless romantic who wishes on the clock when it’s 11:11 or whatever, but I’m not a cynic either.
I figured I’d fall in love one day. I guess I just never thought it would be with Caroline.
But now that it’s right here in front of me, I can’t believe I didn’t see it before.
I’m in love with her…and I think I always have been.
I blow out a breath. “What the hell am I going to do?”
“What do you mean? You tell her.”
“What?” I balk. “I can’t tell her that.”
“Why not?”
“Because she’s…Caroline.”
“And?”
“She’s my best friend.”
Another laugh. “It’s a little late for the just friends bit, huh?”
“No. I mean, it’s obvious we’re more than just friends, but…shit. It’s one thing to sleep with someone and have feelings for them. It’s another thing entirely to sleep with them and fall hopelessly in love.”
What if she doesn’t feel the same?
What if, especially after what I did, she thinks we made a mistake?
What if she can’t forgive me?
“Listen, man, I’ve seen you and Caroline together for a while now, right? Well, not to get all mushy and shit, but I can’t ever imagine stumbling upon two people who are better suited for one another. And that includes me and River, mostly because we’re a horrible idea together.” A lovesick grin stretches his lips because he knows that’s not true. “You have nothing to lose telling her you love her.”
Except her.
I can’t lose her, and I don’t just mean because we’re dating.
I’d be losing my best friend too.
That scares me more than her telling me she doesn’t feel the same way.
I have to tell her.
“How’d you tell River?” I ask.
He twists his lips up. “Trust me, you don’t want advice from me on how I told her. We weren’t even on speaking terms and I just blurted it out when she was mad at me—again—for playing my music too loud.”
I laugh. “You do kind of have shit taste in music.”
He glowers at me. “I’ll let that slide, but only because you’re having an existential crisis right now.” He pushes his empty pie plate away. “Well, I need to get going. Guess I have to go teach little heathens some English.”
“Good luck with that.”
He stands, tossing a couple bucks onto the table for Darlene. “I’ll leave you